By Bob Gaydos

 Captain, oh Captain! To the helm hurry thee! 

‘Tis land ahead and large that we see!

 

“Huff, puff, wheeze and whew 

     At the helm, thank you.

Is that Greenland I see? Praise the lord! Glory be! 

All hands on deck! Prepare

   to set it free.”

 

Umm, captain, my captain, ‘tis Iceland dead ahead.

Those were our orders, as you said.

 

 “Iceland! Greenland! Abi gezunt! 

As long as we’re (hack … wheeze) healthy,

   one island’s just as good as another. Full ahead!”

 

But Captain, they’re free, as is Greenland to be sure.

They likely won’t welcome our ships on their shore.

 

   “No matter, we’ll lower their tariffs and promise 

them chips. They’ll gladly welcome (huff, puff) our ships.

Our moguls are angry, the market took a dip

   all because of Iceland. Is that a Coke?

Give me a sip.”

 

  “Look, I told them at Davos I’d buy Greenland,

or maybe Iceland,

Or some big island, I think.

      Not to worry.

But I’m getting old and I’m in a bit of a hurry.”

 

  “If I can give them Greenland or Iceland to feather their nest, they’ll give me more goodies

and I’ll be forever remembered

As the best of the best.”

 

Snore, snore, snore, snore, snore, snore, snore…

 

Umm, Captain, my Captain, wake up! 

We’re ashore! Anchor’s down! 

The Icelanders are angry. They want us to get out of town!

 

“Iceland?! You idiot! I said Greenland! These guys have

  absolutely nothing I want!

It’s the wrong f$&#ng island! Take us home,

then you’re fired!

    I should have just stayed on Epstein’s Island.

     S*&t, I’m tired.”

 

Aye, sir. Hoist anchor. Headed home.

(Silent: And if the powers that be, can hear me,

Please, oh please, oh please,

25 47

Before I get to Heaven.)

                ***

USA Today: “They’re not there for us on Iceland, that I can tell you. I mean, our stock market took the first dip yesterday because of Iceland. So Iceland’s already cost us a lot of money.” — Donald Trump in Davos, confusing Iceland with Greenland several times.

“Abi gezunt” is a Yiddish phrase meaning “As long as you’re healthy.” It is used to downplay problems.

By Bob Gaydos

It’s official. Today is the longest day of the year.

AI says so: “The longest day of summer in 2025, also known as the summer solstice, will be Friday, June 20th. This is when the Northern Hemisphere will experience its longest period of daylight and the shortest night of the year. The solstice marks the official start of astronomical summer.”

The Old Farmer’s Almanac and NASA say so: “The 2025 summer solstice falls on Friday, June 20, at 10:42 PM. ET. This marks the longest day of the year in the northern hemisphere, when the Earth’s tilt positions it closest to the Sun.”

Man, I’m embarrassed to admit this news kind of took me by surprise. I mean, every one of those 151 days since January 20 of this year has felt like the longest day of the year. I know you know what I mean.

Well, it’s late afternoon as I’m writing this and I’ve still got more than six hours for the official entry of summer and if the gods are with me, I may survive the longest day of the year without the USA going to war again.

It seems Taco Don has pulled his usual schtick and backed off from threatening to kill the leader of Iran and give Israel our bunker busting bombers to wipe out Iran’s nuclear facilities for at least “two weeks.”

That gives his staff and any Republican left in Congress with a shred of pride enough time to give our confused leader a little dose of reality to go with his bombast. Also to give delegates from France, the UK and Germany an  opportunity to meet with an Iranian delegate to consider ways to end the war between Iran and Israel without blowing up the world.

It’s similar to Trump backing off threatening 80 percent tariffs on Chinese goods and blowing up the stock market. That little insider-trading maneuver helped Donald and a few close friends make a bundle while backing off also preserved the portfolios of so-called average Americans. Supposedly we’re still talking to the Chinese, although they say we’re not.

Funny, India says Trump had nothing to do with stopping the fighting between it and Pakistan, although he says he did.

And, remember that Salvadoran native Trump’s goon squad deported to El Salvador against the judge’s orders? Trump repeatedly insisted he could not be brought back, despite repeated court orders to do so, because, well that’s a different country.

Remember? Well, Kilmar Abrego Garcia is back in Tennessee and recently appeared in court to face criminal charges for allegedly transporting migrants within the U. S. One constitutional crisis averted.

Also, the Fed chairman still has a job and we have not, despite various poorly disguised threats, invaded Panama, Greenland or Canada yet. As far as I know. But then, this is the longest day of the year, and Trump, the consummate car salesman, has yet to sell the Tesla that Elon gave him.

So who knows? Maybe I should just count my blessings, enjoy the sunshine, the air conditioning, have a little supper and find a movie to watch.

Wonder if “The Longest Day” is on Netflix.

 

 

By Bob Gaydos

   Since there are thousands of concerned citizens monitoring and reporting on the daily doings of Trump 2: The Revenge, I thought I’d give the White House crew a chance to get their feet re-wet (is that a word?) before checking in and issuing a report. Also, it helps preserve my sanity.

   In any event, here’s a quick summary of Team Trump’s nearly a fortnight back in business:

   — Ukraine. The war is still raging despite Trump’s boast he would end it the day he got elected.

  — The price of eggs. Rather than falling, as Trump promised voters, they have risen. No sign of falling. Gas prices are up, too. Fruits and vegetables are likely to follow with the promised mass deportation of migrant farm workers.

  — Deportations. ICE agents arrested some American citizens and non-criminal immigrants in initial efforts of the pledge to detain and deport criminal undocumented immigrants. Without warrants in some cases. Mexico refused to allow a U. S. military plane carrying undocumented immigrants to land. Inappropriate, its president said. So did Colombia, but its president agreed when Trump agreed not to use military planes, only after his threat of tariffs on Colombian goods failed. Trump said he would use Guantanamo as a mass holding facility (concentration camp) for undocumented immigrants.

  — The budget. An executive order to freeze virtually all federal funding already approved by Congress caused mass confusion nationwide, besides being illegal. Congress was flooded with calls. Lawsuits were filed. Non-profits scrambled. The order was rescinded the next day over the protests of Trump advisor Stephen Miller.

  — Greenland. Denmark says it’s still not for sale.

  — Cabinet. Vice President Vance cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate to approve TV personality Pete Hegseth as secretary of defense, despite reports of his drinking, womanizing and lack of experience for the position. Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Trump’s nominee for health secretary, displayed no knowledge of how Medicare and Medicaid work. And his cousin, Caroline, called him a predator who has consistently sought to profit from the assassinations of his father and uncle.

  — Condoms. Trump’s new press secretary said her boss’s new quasi Department of Government Efficiency had stopped the shipment of $50 million in condoms to Gaza, which Fox News said were to be used by Hamas to make mini-bombs. This never happened. Government accountants said $50 million would buy one billion condoms.

  — Pardons. Three insurrectionists were re-arrested two days after their release from prison. Two others refused the pardons, saying we saw what we saw on television.

   — DEI, staffing, etc. Trump fired the female head of the Coast Guard, the FAA director, froze hiring of air traffic controllers, disbanded the Aviation Safety Advisory Committee, illegally fired all inspectors general and encouraged all federal employees to consider retirement or a job buyout, similar to the one his buddy/advisor/neo-nazi Elon Musk offered and reneged on at Twitter/X.

   — DEI, part 2. An army helicopter collided late at night with a passenger jet on path to land at Reagan National Airport outside Washington, D.C. The two aircraft landed in the Potomac River. The FAA said 67 people were killed, the largest air traffic fatality in the country in 16 years. Trump (see above firings, etc.), without proof, blamed the crash on DEI (diversity, equality, inclusion) policies in the Biden administration that allowed hiring of “those who suffer severe intellectual disabilities, psychiatric problems and other mental and physical conditions,” including people with hearing and vision issues as well as paralysis, epilepsy and “dwarfism.” Questioned repeatedly for specific roof of these allegations by reporters, he said he based his opinion on “common sense.”

   — DEI, part 3.  The FAA said staffing at the air traffic control tower was “not normal.” One controller was handling the job of two and the helicopter was off course.

  —  DEI, etc. While Trump blamed Biden, the nation mourned.

  Can’t wait for the next nearly a fortnight.                                    

By Bob Gaydos

   Ok, I’ve dithered long enough. The holidays came and went and he’s obviously not going to do the same. The first four presidents of my lifetime were FDR, HST, Ike and JFK. Dotard felon doesn’t have quite the same ring, so I guess I have to stick around until America realizes it needs a woman  president. Therefore, with a bow to the late, great Jimmy Cannon, I persist.

   — Maybe it’s just me, but: All that Canada, Greenland, Panama BS spewing out of his increasingly distracted “brain” is just that, a distraction out of the Putin playbook And an embarrassing one, at that. Only true MAGAS and the sold-out mainstream media treat it seriously. Which is, of course, sad.

    — Maybe it’s just me, but: Having his hands tied by the U.S. Supreme Court’s presidential immunity nonsense, New York Supreme Court Justice Juan Merchan made the best of it by making sure Trump gets sworn in as a convicted felon. The first ever, America. Be proud. Merchan made sure everyone knew that if it had been anyone else there would’ve been more serious consequences for the 34 felony convictions than a blow to the huge Trump ego.

   — Maybe it’s just me, but: The fact that the Supreme Court allowed the sentencing in New York to go on before the inauguration suggests that the court is not necessarily 100 percent in Trump’s pocket. Chief Justice John Roberts and Justice Amy Coney Barrett joined the court’s three liberal justices in rejecting Trump’s bid to avoid sentencing before the inauguration. The four stooges objected without any comment.

   — Maybe it’s just me, but: I hope Merrick Garland fades into the woodwork as quickly as did that other faux prosecutor, Robert Mueller. A major disappointment.

   — Maybe it’s just me, but: Watching the Dow, NASDAQ, etc. tank on the heels of yet another report showing a healthy increase in jobs on Joe Biden’s watch is a worthwhile reminder that Wall Street has little to do with Main Street. More like the Vegas Strip.

   — Maybe it’s just me, but: Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Mark Zuckerberg can all _______. Fill in the blank.

   — Maybe it’s just me, but: I’m still waiting for someone to tell me what all the New Jersey drone stuff was about. Remember newspapers?

   — Maybe it’s just me, but: Jimmy Carter was a wonderful human being and a better than average president. Not a bad epitaph.

  — Maybe it’s just me, but: Welcome back to nightly reports, Rachel Maddow; turn off the lights, Morning Joe.

   — Maybe it’s just me, but: Having given up following college football when they started mixing and moving colleges willy-nilly to conferences across the country based on big bucks and big ratings, it came as a pleasant surprise to me to see that the two schools who will be playing for the college football championship are Notre Dame and Ohio State. Of course. Who else? It was as if I had escaped from a time warp. Their names are synonymous with success and championships. Then I learned that Notre Dame, the university in South Bend, Indiana, had undergone a renaissance much like the other Notre Dame, the cathedral in Paris, France, which has been rebuilt and reborn and recently returned to its position of prominence after a devastating fire. No, I don’t believe in coincidences.    

rjgaydos@gmail.com

By Bob Gaydos

    While I’ve been spending the holidays toning up my chopsticks skills (Tuesday-Korean; Wednesday-Japanese; Thursday-Chinese vegan), the rest of the world has apparently been going to hell in a handbasket.

      Let’s see if I can catch up. Elon Musk, the president-non-elect, learned that even the richest man in the world can’t force a few hundred career politicians to shut down the United States government over the holidays. His sidekick and ceremonial president, Donald Trump, learned that those same politicians wouldn’t give him a free credit card by suspending the debt ceiling in order to keep the government open. Worthwhile lessons for all involved, including the American people who would have suffered the most.

     Not to be distracted by reality, Trump also fantasized about annexing Canada as the 51st state, seizing the Panama Canal from China and buying Greenland from Denmark. Canada, Panama, China and Denmark were not amused. The Danes, in fact, wondered what the going price might be on a somewhat worn U.S. democracy. The Mexican president had already told Trump to cool it on the tariff talk.

    Meanwhile, Russian president, Vladimir Putin ignored Trump’s election campaign claim that he’d end the war in Ukraine as soon as he was elected, never mind got sworn in. Didn’t happen. In fact, North Korea sent in some troops to help Russia fight its increasingly costly war and Putin, struggling with losses in Ukraine, abandoned his buddy Assad in Syria and let rebel forces take over the government there virtually overnight.

    Meanwhile, the other Korea, the supposedly Democratic one, saw its president declare martial law, then back down swiftly after massive demonstrations, broke out in the streets, only to eventually be impeached. But wait, there’s more. The acting president appointed to bring order from the chaos refused to appoint judges to overhear the impeachment proceedings against the martial law president. So the acting president was impeached. I have no idea where this is going, and I’m not sure the Koreans do either.

     Meanwhile, Russia’s not-nearly-as-efficient-as -everyone-thought military machine was suspected in the downing of an Azerbaijan  passenger jet that crashed in Kazakhstan, killing 38 people on board. Analysts suggested a missile from Russia’s air defense system struck the plane.

     Those Russian missiles had been used to shoot down drones flown from Ukraine. There was no word on whether the Russians were suspected in the sudden disappearance of all those hundreds of drones that were mysteriously flying over New Jersey for the past couple of weeks. And our government still wasn’t saying anything at all about them — the drones, not the Russians — except that we shouldn’t worry.

     So I’m going to try not to.        

     At least I don’t live in Mozambique where more than 6,000 prisoners, including Isis terrorists, escaped from prison as part of nationwide civil unrest over widespread voting irregularities in the country’s recent presidential election. And boy doesn’t that sound familiar?

       France avoided the bloodshed, but after a vote of no confidence removed the prime minister, a new prime minister has named a new government, fate as yet to be determined.

     So these are apparently the times that try our souls, people. But I wonder, where are the songs of protest? We Shall Overcome! Never mind where all the flowers have gone, where are the Woody Guthries, Pete Seegers, the Bob Dylans for Pete’s sake! 

     Tik-tok and Beyoncé and Taylor Swift don’t cover all the disharmony.

      President Joe Biden just formally recognized the bald eagle as the official national bird. Long overdue, I’d say,  and fitting. But that proud, beautiful bird needs a new “Yankee Doodle Dandy,” one for the 21st-century. Please!

       Meanwhile, I’m going to keep working out with my chopsticks.