By Bob Gaydos

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky and Republican presidential nominee, former U.S. President Donald Trump, shake hands during a meeting in New York City.

    Two reality TV stars met in New York last week to engage in international diplomacy in conjunction with the annual meeting of the United Nations General Assembly. The ironies abounded but were pretty much ignored (or just missed) by much of the so-called mainstream media.

      Start with the fact that both men, political novices, were elected president of their homelands by virtue of the popularity of television shows in which they starred.

      Donald Trump rode the false image created of him as a shrewd businessman on “The Apprentice” all the way to the White House. The real-life baron of bankruptcy court was going to make America great again.

      Volodymyr Zelensky parlayed his TV portrayal of a sincere teacher turned novice president determined to clean up corruption in Ukraine into the real president’s job in Kiev.

      You really can’t make this stuff up.

       Zelensky’s TV show, “Servant of the People,” was not technically a reality show, but its satire was aimed directly at the reality of life in Ukraine at the time. It ran for three years and catapulted the actor to the international stage. Let’s see if he can really clear up the corruption.

       The plot for both has turned deadly serious the past four years. That’s what brought the two men — one ex-president trying to regain power, one current president trying to preserve his country — together in New York.

       Trump, whose presidency was punctuated by a tax cut for wealthy Americans, a series of unkept promises (the Wall, the infrastructure, health care) and the deaths of more than 400,000 Americans due to his lack of a policy to deal with the Covid virus, is desperately trying to get re-elected president to stay out of prison.

     To refresh your memory: After leaving office in 2021, he was indicted on 88 felony charges, ranging from trying to overturn the legitimate results of the 2020 election to unlawful possession of classified government documents and falsifying documents in connection with a hush money scheme to cover up an affair with a porn star that could have derailed his 2016 run for president. He has been convicted of 34 felonies in connection with that case in New York and sentencing is scheduled for Nov. 26.

     If he is elected president, he undoubtedly will try to use the recently created presidential immunity ruling by the Supreme Court to get rid of the conviction, even though he wasn’t president when he committed the crimes. Hey, what’s the point of having power if you can’t appoint judges to save your behind.

      Zelinsky, of course, has been waging a war, not primarily with corruption, but with Russia, which invaded Ukraine in 2022. That was the point of his New York meeting with Trump.

      Much as he undoubtedly doesn’t respect Trump, Zelinsky knows that, if by chance, Trump is elected president again, Ukraine’s future in the war could change dramatically. Trump has made no secret of his infatuation with Russian Premier Vladimir Putin. Trump has also questioned United States weapons and funding in support of Ukraine and he has also cast doubt on future U.S. support for NATO, which has been a strong supporter of Ukraine in the war. 

         And let’s not forget that one of two impeachments of Trump when he was president involved his effort to get Zelinsky to fabricate corruption evidence against Hunter and Joe Biden in connection with Hunter’s business dealings in Ukraine. The aim was to help Trump’s presidential run against Joe, who is Hunter’s father. Trump threatened to withhold U.S. weapons aid to Ukraine, which was fighting Russian separatists in eastern Ukraine, if Zelinsky did not cooperate. Zelinsky stayed mum. A Republican Senate acquitted Trump.

      Despite this sketchy history, Zelinsky, as president of Ukraine, had to make an effort in New York with Trump, just in case. 

      What did that effort produce? Trump’s version of another popular American TV show: “Let’s Make a Deal.”

     After meeting with the Ukrainian president for 40 minutes, the ever-transactional Trump told Fox News, “We both want to see this end, and we both want to see a fair deal made. … The president wants it to end, and he wants it to end as quickly as possible. He wants a fair transaction to take place.”

    What kind of fair transaction? Earlier in the week, Trump described Ukraine as “demolished” and said, “Any deal — the worst deal — would’ve been better than what we have now. If they made a bad deal, it would’ve been much better. They would’ve given up a little bit and everybody would be living and every building would be built and every tower would be aging for another 2,000 years.”

    In other words, give Putin the territory Russia now illegally occupies in Ukraine and count your blessings. Fair deal.

      After his meeting with Trump, Zelinsky had a somewhat different take on the situation: “We need to do everything to pressure him (Putin) to stop this war. He is in our territory. That’s most important to understand. He is in our territory.”

    Trump (not understanding):  “We (Zelinsky and Trump) have a very good relationship. And I also have a very good relationship, as you know, with President Putin. And if we win, I think we’re going to get it resolved very quickly.” (See: The Wall, infrastructure, health care … )

       Zelensky: “I hope we have more good relations between us.”       

       Trump: “But, you know, it takes two to tango.”

        Right. … Flashback to 2018 when President Trump and Premier Putin had a private tete-a-fete at their Helsinki summit meeting and Putin exited the room with a big grin and shoulders all puffed up and Trump came out slumped over, looking like a scared little puppy dog. Remember?

           Yeah. It’s not a reality TV show, but rather, a movie: “The Manchurian Candidate.” But Trump still has the starring role.

By Bob Gaydos

Trump and Harris at the debate.

 “First you say you do and then you don’t.

   Then you say you will and then you won’t.

    You’re undecided now, so what are you gonna do?”

     Those are the lyrics to a song that was popular in the ‘40s and ‘50s, recorded by, among others, Ella Fitzgerald and the Ames Brothers.

       A simple song for a simpler time. Today, the song’s predicament remains the same. Someone has extreme difficulty making up his or her mind. But there is a heightened urgency to a need for the answer and growing frustration with those who can’t provide it.

        Yeah, we’re talking about those “undecided” voters who watched the recent debate between Donald Trump and Kamala Harris and still can’t figure out who they want to be President of the United States.

        Really?

        Harris was cool, calm and confident, exactly what one would hope of the current vice president of the United States, also a former senator and prosecutor. She spoke from experience and with compassion. She mostly didn’t try to evade questions and definitely didn’t make stuff up.

   Trump?

    On abortion: “They’re executing newborn babies.”

    Out of the blue: “They’re performing transgender operations on illegal aliens in prison.”

     Immigration: “In Springfield, they’re eating the dogs, the people that came in (Haitian immigrants). They’re eating the cats. They’re eating — they’re eating the pets of the people that live there.”

     On replacing Obamacare: Moderator (frustrated) : “So just yes or no. You do have a plan?

      Trump: “I have concepts of a plan.”

       The rest was mostly stream-of-consciousness blaming of immigrants for imagined increases in crime rates, defensiveness over the size of crowds at his rallies, mumbo jumbo about tariffs and praise for the two most dangerous leaders in Europe, Russia’s Vladimir Putin and Hungary’s Viktor Orban. Also a lot of angry faces.

        And yet, some people described by various media outlets as “undecided voters” in a very close contest, said they still haven’t decided which of the candidates they would like to hold the most powerful office on the planet. 

        Whew…. I don’t know who these people are but, you know what, I don’t believe some of them and, in these changing times, the rest will just have to change their tune and, as Paul Simon sang, “Get on the bus, Gus,” and set themselves free with President Kamala Harris.   

rjgaydos@gmail.com

By Bob Gaydos

Rapper Lil Jon juices, the Democratic national convention.

 Chicago (cue music)

     “Mr. Chairman! The great state of Euphoria, where men are proud fathers and women are allowed to come out of the kitchen and be corporate executives, where we teach real history in our schools and don’t ban books, where the concept of equal rights is embraced, where LGBTQ spells freedom, where no one is above the law, where the air is clean and we like it that way … the state of rock and roll and hip hop and anything Willie Nelson does, where there are no white, brown or black jobs, where veterans are respected and democracy cherished, the state of presidents and patriots, poets and perfect sunsets … Euphoria, where the right to vote and the right to choose are sacred, where we love our country and honor our commitments, the state full of hope for the future of America, proudly casts all 47 of its votes for the next president of the United States, the first black/Asian woman president of the United States, the tough, young, smart prosecutor who we think once went to school here or at least we wish she had, the current Vice President of the United States … KAMALA HARRIS!”

 Milwaukee

     “Mr. Chairman, the state of Submission, where real men carry guns and all women carry babies, where we protect our children from pornographic literature and communist ideas, where people know their place and the only votes that count are the ones we say count, the state that knows best what is best for its citizens, casts its however many votes you say we have for the overweight, old sex offender with the orange hair and big wad of tape on his ear who was just convicted of 34 felonies, is accused of attempting a coup, is buddies with Vladimir Putin and wants to protect America from sharks, social security and windmills … the man who once bankrupted a casino and said Covid would pass quickly, the great leader of our party … the former… umm, Trump.”

rjgaydos@gmail.com

By Bob Gaydos

Snoop Dogg, Olympics ambassador extraordinaire.

    Tim Walz may be on to something. The newly anointed Democratic candidate for vice president went viral a few days ago when he labeled an entire political party — the other one, the Republicans — as “weird.” No sooner had he said it, everyone else seemed to notice and started doing the same thing.

   Well, not the Republicans. They didn’t like it, although it’s difficult to figure out why since they haven’t really objected to being called mindless cult followers of a racist con man for several years now.

     But that’s not the point here. Walz’s weird proclamation suddenly seems to be manifesting all over the news:

      — Bobby Kennedy Jr., the crown prince of weird, went for the gold medal right off the bat, confessing to leaving a dead bear cub in Central Park 10 years ago. Yes, that news does make one pause and say, “Why?”

      Well, it seems Junior  came across a dead bear cub that had been hit by a car in front of him and collected it to take home and skin it because “it was in very good condition. I was going to put the meat in my refrigerator — and you can do that in New York State.” Kennedy was explaining that in a social media video to, umm, Roseanne Barr (remember her?), for whatever reason.

     He said he had dinner with friends later who said it would be funny to leave the bear in the park, next to a bicycle, suggesting a cyclist had hit and killed the bear. Yuk yuk. (Alcohol was included with dinner.) The story of the dead bear in Central Park was big for a while and a mystery that remained unsolved until now. Also, this man wants your votes to be president of the United States.

   — Snoop Dog was “reportedly” being paid $500,000 a day by NBC to be a roving commentator and ambassador of goodwill at the Paris Olympics. Reportedly is in quotes because I couldn’t find any story with Mr. Dogg or NBC confirming that outrageous amount, other than a secondhand account of an overheard conversation. That’s weird, but it passes for journalism these days.

    For his reported half mill a day, the rapper has hit all the venues, dressed appropriately, swam, ran, talked about gymnasts, horses and skateboarders and has had a grand old time in Paris on NBC’s dime. 

  He was also clever enough to avoid swimming in the Seine. A bunch of athletes were taken ill after participating in races in the storied river. E. coli was said to be the culprit. Seems Paris has a combined sewer system, so wastewater and stormwater use the same pipes, meaning heavy rain can cause untreated wastewater to overflow into the river. Dunno. Seems weird to me to have Olympic athletes swimming with this risk, even in la belle Paris.

   — Beyond weird, to me at least, is NASA’s insistence on depending on Boeing as one of its two providers of ferry services to the International Space Station.

   Two astronauts were carried to the Space Station aboard Boeing’s Starliner in June, but only after a delayed maiden launch due to leaky valves and stuff like that, which you don’t really want on your super expensive spaceship. It’s all too reminiscent of Boeing’s 747 jumbo jets crashing in the past (64 planes, more than 3,000 deaths) and doors falling off their planes in flight in the present. 

   Anyway, the astronauts got to the Space Station, but now it seems the Starliner, which was supposed to bring them back after an eight-day visit, is having some, uh, leaky problems. Also thrusters not thrusting. So the astronauts have to hang out a bit longer than expected. About six months longer.

  Despite Boeing’s assurance that their spacecraft is safe to return the astronauts, NASA is saying it’s probably going to use Elon Musk’s more reliable Space X rocket for that task. That flight is scheduled for next February.

      The astronauts, Navy veterans, reportedly have plenty of company (the ISS has room for eight) and jobs to keep them busy until then. It also gives Congress enough time to get Boeing back to the Capitol to explain why its flying machines seem to still have so much trouble just flying and NASA to explain why it’s spending and depending on such an undependable company.

   — Finally, it seems Vladimir Putin has his own weird definition of what war is all about. The Russian president, who launched a full-scale invasion into neighboring Ukraine, which has resulted in widespread death and destruction in that country but little success in terms of achieving his goal of annexation, recently accused Ukraine of a “large-scale provocation” when Ukrainian forces reportedly raided an area in southwestern Russia causing some death and destruction. Weird, huh? Guess the Ukrainians didn’t read the ground rules.

   — And really finally, giving a gold medal for breaking, as in breakdancing, in the Olympics to me is, well, weird.

rjgaydos@gmail.com

… Or, when I realized that my suspicion that The New York Times was not going to do anything to help save democracy in America was correct.

                                ***

“To say that the threats of democracy are so great that the media is going to abandon its central role as a source of impartial information to help people vote — that’s essentially saying that the news media should become a propaganda arm for a single candidate, because we prefer that candidate’s agenda.”

— Joe Kahn, editor NY Times,

May 5 in an interview with Semafor

                         ***

  “On this particular day, I looked to see what the great gray lady, The New York Times, had to say about the Trump trial. Its editorial went into great detail, carefully explaining all the nuances of the justice system and why everything was being done the way it was being done, etc. It was not until the end of what the paper itself described as “a seven-minute read,” that the editorial referred to Trump’s “disregard for the rule of law and his willingness to demean American justice when it suits his interests.”

   It continued, “Those actions render him manifestly unfit for office and would pose unique dangers to the United States during a second term. The greatest of those dangers, and the one that Americans should be most attuned to, is the damage that a second Trump presidency would inflict on the rule of law.”

      Well, no you-know-what Sherlock. Did no one at the Times ever explain to the editorial writer that “don’t bury the lead“ applies to editorials as well as news stories. Seven minutes to tell people don’t ever put this lunatic in office again? He’s too dangerous?! “Manifestly unfit!”

    Give me a break! Tell them at the top, tell them why and tell them again at the bottom. Tell them every damn day while you’ve still got a press! Geez, people, this is no time to be gentle.”

— Me, April 18, in a column on Substack and zestoforange.com

                         ***

— The time, spring, 2034. The scene: A New York Times editor is watching the news on Government Channel 1 with his 10 year-old daughter.

Daughter: “Daddy, what were you doing when our great Orange Leader, who sadly just died, was saying he had to be made president for life, so that he could save the country from all the evil people trying to sneak into it and send them all back where they came from, and that he had to release all of those people who were wrongly put in jail for trying to kill the vice president, who was actually a traitor, and free the Capitol from a Congress that wasn’t following the Constitution and that he needed to punish all those people who were telling all those lies about him and stop Congress from sending money to Ukraine for weapons to fight Russia because Czar Putin was a good man and that we really needed instead to focus on saving the world from windmills? And he did! Do you remember what you were doing when he was saying all that?”

Daddy: “Well, yes, honey, I was a reporter at The Times and my job was writing about whether Marjorie Taylor Greene, an influential member of Congress at the time and now Secretary of State, thought the plans of our aging president, Joe Biden, for example to make life more affordable for everyone and to let people actually make their own decisions about their own lives, made any sense.

Daughter. Oh. Cool.

— Bob Gaydos

By Bob Gaydos

President Biden is applauded by his back bench, Vice President Kamala Harris. RJ Photography Photo Illustration

   Speaking, if I may, for the legions of octogenarians who have had it up to our cataract-surgery-repaired eyes with all the nonsense that Joe Biden is too old to be president, thank you, Mr. President, for that wonderfully direct and forceful takedown of Mr. MAGA and all the little MAGATTS in Congress the other night. The State of the Union will be just fine in your hands.

     And that’s really the point, people. Not how old Biden is, but how capable and competent he is compared to the other guy, “my predecessor” as Biden cleverly put it.

     Heck, Donald Trump himself is a sloppy, flabby, slow-moving, memory-challenged 77-year-old, who looks like even making 80 would be an upset. And he doesn’t know or care one whit about what it means to be the leader of the free world, the spokesperson for democracy and champion of liberty. 

    Biden knows. He’s lived it. He understands it. He can articulate it. Maybe the words come out a little softer and slower, although the other night there was no problem hearing the message or noticing that Biden was in total control of the event, to the ultimate frustration of the juveniles in the Republican section who had nothing to offer but shouts and eventual surrender.

    Yup, Joe, Mr. President, you demonstrated that age and experience and wisdom and caring and compassion and a sense of duty and moral purpose can all coexist in the same somewhat worn but still functioning body. And mind. 

       And you demonstrated that passion and perhaps some anger can still be expressed by a uniquely experienced gentleman who’s tired of being told he’s too old for the job when the only other guy up for it is an old, twice-impeached, out-of-shape adjudged rapist and pathological liar currently facing 91 felony charges in four separate courts, who has been convicted of massive business fraud charges and who recently told Vladimir Putin to go ahead and attack some NATO countries, no big deal. 

     This is the story, folks. Thanks for reminding the world about that, Joe. 

      As someone also privileged to reach the 90th decade of my life, I have written that I would prefer that the presidential candidate for both Democratic and Republican parties be younger than either Biden or Trump. I still do. Maybe it was my own mental fatigue from the last eight years showing, but, in general, I would prefer a somewhat younger president. 

      However, the reality is that neither party has come up with a younger candidate to seriously challenge these two men. That’s something both parties need to address. Given the current choice, and still having most of my wits about me, I prefer the man who comforts the families of mass shooting victims and promotes sensible gun control laws over the guy who flippantly tells them to “get over it.” Disgusting.

     People age differently. Some (the current president) do it gracefully, demonstrating confidence, patience, wisdom and experience, even though their gait and words may be sometimes halting. It can be deceptive.

    Some (the predecessor) just get older, nastier and more selfish. And they don’t walk or talk so great either. What you see is what you get.

     Take your time getting to the podium, Joe. Then give ‘em hell.    

rjgaydos@gmail.com

By Bob Gaydos

Life is full of mysteries. Too many to solve and some (Why did Mario Cuomo not get on the plane to New Hampshire?*) never to be fully resolved. Lately, there are too many to keep up with.

Me and Mario Cuomo, circa late 1980’s, at a budget dinner presentation at the Governor’s Mansion in Albany, where he was apparently more comfortable than he would have been in the White House.

     At such times, I lean on a tactic made famous by a favorite sports writer of mine from a half century ago or more, Jimmy Cannon. With a deep bow of respect:

• Maybe it’s just me, but:  When the leading vocal critic of Vladimir Putin dies unexpectedly during a stroll at a prison in the Arctic and that critic, Alexei Navolny, is only 47 years old, is there any doubt that the Russian president, a well-known fan of poisoning his detractors, is behind it? The only mystery is what story the Kremlin will come up with to “explain” the death since there were no  10th-story windows for Navolny to fall out of.

• Maybe it’s just me, but: If I am the governor of the state that just witnessed its crowning glory celebration of another Super Bowl win turn into a bloody mass shooting with one dead and more than 20 injured, including many children, I might want to rethink my state’s gun laws. In fact, I might think about actually having some. No sign yet that Missouri Gov. Mike Parson, a rock-ribbed, pro-gun Republican if there ever was one, has had such a moment of clarity. Parson, who was at the Kansas City celebration of the Chiefs’ championship, along with his wife and thousands of other happy fans, revealed that his security detail had quickly moved him and his wife to safety. Others had no such protection. In fact, Parson as governor has squelched efforts by Kansas City and St. Louis officials to pass stronger laws because of an increase in shooting deaths in both cities. He also supported a state law that forbad local police from enforcing stricter federal gun laws. The courts overturned that. Missouri has no state licensing requirement for possession of a rifle, shotgun or handgun, nor is any state permit required for purchase of those firearms, as per the NRA’s official site. It’s an open carry state. The shooting was reportedly the result of an argument among teenagers. The mystery: How do you live with yourself and your bloodied celebration just to get campaign donations from a corrupt organization?
• Maybe it’s just me, but: When a former president, who has bankrupted several businesses, run a fraud university and phony charity, lied to banks and others about the value of his properties, been ordered by the court to pay $364 million in fines because of it, has routinely failed to pay lawyers and contractors and also showed a remarkable indifference to and ignorance of history and world affairs says he would be OK if Putin sent Russian troops against NATO countries who are behind on paying their dues, I don’t understand the so-called thinking of Americans who profess  patriotism, yet support such a man to be president of this country.
• Maybe it’s just me, but: The decision by West Virginia Sen. Joe Manchin not to launch an independent campaign for president under the No Labels Party — a rare wise decision by the retiring Democrat — should be enough to convince the phony baloney independent group to drop its efforts to field a spoiler in the 2024 presidential election. Manchin even said he didn’t want to play that role. The mystery here is, when the choice in November will be between democracy (Joe Biden) and fascism (Trump or another Republican wannabe Trump), why anyone would want to play that role.

*Mario Cuomo, the so-called “Hamlet on the Hudson,” was widely considered to be a leading candidate for the Democratic presidential nomination in 1992. He kept a plane on the runway with its motor running on the day to register for the New Hampshire primary, but never got on the plane. A lingering mystery.

rjgaydos@gmail.com

By Bob Gaydos

Sen. Mitch McConnell freezes while talking to the press.

   Labor Day weekend offered an opportunity to sit back, relax and ponder the mysteries of the day, such as Mitch McConnell’s mysterious “freezing” episodes in which the senator from Kentucky basically locks up and stares straight ahead silently for about 30 seconds, apparently unaware when the freeze ends that it even happened in the midst of a press conference and his staff acts as if everything is OK, nothing going on here, just move along because the Senate Minority Leader has no plans to retire even though he’s 81 and, you know, had that fall and the concussion and keeps freezing up indiscriminately, which the staff say shouldn’t alarm Kentuckians because doctors in the Capitol and other Republican senators,  who are loathe to get on his bad side, say Mitch is “medically clear” and “perfectly capable” of carrying out his duties and, heck, his term doesn’t end until January of 2027, so why should we tell Americans what’s really going on with his health when we have more than three years to enjoy a position of influence in Washington and at the same time try to latch on to another senior senator who will assume leadership of the Republicans in the Senate because, despite Republican presidential candidate Nikki Haley citing “aging” leadership in Washington being a reason to install term limits, once people get power most don’t like to give it up and, as has been shown repeatedly in recent years, some people who want power will do whatever they can to get it, even lie about pretty much anything and, no, I’m not talking about Number 45, but rather, the most recent obvious Trump wannabe, Vivek Ramaswamy, a previously unknown 38-year-old pharmaceutical company CEO, graduate of Yale and Harvard Law, who is running for the Republican presidential nomination on a litany of lies and bigotry (he says he’s never met a white supremacist and has both praised and mocked the Juneteenth federal holiday), most likely as a way to raise cash and maybe land a spot behind Trump on the 2024 ticket since the four indictments have yet to do much to weaken his hold on the top spot, as contrasted with the position of Luis Rubiales, head of the Spanish Football Federation, who exuberantly kissed a member of that nation’s women’s soccer team when they won the World Cup and found himself facing suspension from his post when she complained that the kiss was unsolicited and unwelcome and the team backed her up even though he now says otherwise after first apologizing and FIFA suspended him for 90 days and then the Spanish government looked to suspend him from his position, a hope that was at least temporarily dashed when a Spanish court, while agreeing to open a case on the incident, said it considered the offense to be merely “serious,” not “very serious,” meaning the government couldn’t immediately suspend Rubiales, which is the kind of court of last resort outcome Russian President Vladimir Putin may be looking for when he meets later this month with North Korea’s reigning strongman Kim Jong-un to discuss a possible food for weapons deal, in which the once admired but recently exposed overrated Russian military gets much-needed weapons for its disastrous war against Ukraine and North Korea, a worldwide pariah with whom almost all nations have pledged not to trade arms, gets much-needed food to feed its citizens so that, much like the seasonally migrating hummingbirds and recurring Covid-19 in New York, they can continue to produce weapons and maintain the Kim family in power forever.

     Or until Mitch McConnell freezes over.

rjgaydos@gmail.com

By Bob Gaydos

P.T. Barnum, like Trump, knew how to make a shady buck.

    Occasionally, the Universe conspires to make life a bit more challenging for those who cover the news of the day, as in the previous week when three major stories competed for front page attention, (1.) the much-anticipated assassination in Russia of Yevgeny Prigozhin, (2.) the eagerly awaited arrest and first-ever mugshot taking of a former American president, in Atlanta, and (3.) the totally unexpected report from Los Angeles that the best player in baseball, Shohei Ohtani, the only successful pitcher/hitter since Babe Ruth, had suffered a serious injury to the elbow of his pitching arm and will (4.) require Tommy John surgery (named after the first pitcher to have it done*) or full arm rest to repair his elbow, meaning he will not pitch again this year, or ever again, and will likely (5.) see his asking price for a new contract when he is a free agent at the end of the year fall by a few hundred million dollars (that is correct for non-sports fans), and maybe even worse, put an end to his brief but marvelous career as simultaneously one of the game’s great pitchers and hitters, limiting him to merely hitting home runs every day, which, of course, is still a far better fate than that of Prigozhin, who (6.) incredibly was still hanging around Russia two months after abruptly stopping his coup attempt against Vladimir Putin about 150 miles from Moscow, (7.) foolishly trusting Putin’s promise to let him go live peaceably in Belarus and (8.) inexplicably packing his private plane with other leaders of his Wagner paramilitary force, making it easier for an “unexplained” explosion to wipe them all out in one fell swoop, (9.) demonstrating that Putin is not limited to using falls from high windows or poison to eliminate those he perceives as enemies, (10.) a scary reputation that the aforementioned arrested  former president, Donald Trump, would undoubtedly  enjoy having, rather than that of a (11.) lying traitor who led a conspiracy and fomented

The mug shot.

violence to try to overturn a legitimate election he had lost, (12.) illegally concealed classified government documents, (13.) used campaign funds to pay hush money to cover up an affair he had with a porn star while his wife was tending to their young child, (14.) raped a woman in a dressing room at Bergdorf Goodman and slandered her even after he was found guilty, (15.) defrauded New York State of millions in taxes, and (16) continues to threaten and insult judges, prosecutors and (rare) political opponents who dare to speak the truth about him and to support the rule of law, all to (17.) rile up his supporters and to ostensibly raise money for his presidential campaign, but which will probably go to (18.) pay his monumental legal expenses so that he can find lawyers willing to represent him, which is not easy given his cheapskate reputation, none of which seems to bother his legion of loyal followers, who (19.) continue to ignore reality and send him money every time he plays the “victim” of the system routine, proving that (20.) P.T. Barnum was right when he (allegedly) said, “There’s a sucker (or a few million) born every minute,” which includes anyone who believes that the flabby Trump is 6 feet 3 inches tall and weighs a mere 215 pounds, as an aide entered in the record for him when he was booked in Atlanta, (21) in a circus scene lacking only Barnum’s famous sign, “This way to the egress,” * (22.), to which I say, soon, please, Universe.

      Shohei wins.

(* Tommy John was a good left-handed pitcher, who won 288 games in 26 seasons, including two 20-win seasons for the New York Yankees.)

(*When you went though the door to get to the  “egress,” you had to pay to get back in to the sideshow. Trump would’ve loved Barnum.)

rjgaydos@gmail.com

By Bob Gaydos

Yankees Pitcher Domingo German pitched a perfect game.

   When one’s primary focus is offering commentary on the most significant news of the day and it’s a day (or week) in which Donald Trump has not been indicted, arrested, convicted or imprisoned, well, one has to look around at the rest of the world and choose what’s important. Kind of stream of consciousness reporting.

      For example, (1) in a week in which the leader of a ruthless mercenary military group in Russia apparently decided to call off a coup attempt aimed at Vladimir Putin in midstream and (2) reports say some Russian generals may have known about the plan and Putin may be about to purge them, how significant was it that the conservative majority on the U.S. Supreme Court (3) blew up affirmative action and (4) Joe Biden’s college loan forgiveness plan, (5) said (despite a Colorado state law barring discrimination) that a wedding website designer could refuse to design a website because the would-be clients are gay, all the while (6) holding fast to the argument that the top court in the U.S. should not be bound to conflict of interest rules like every other court in the land, apparently suggesting that Supreme Court justices should (7) be able to take lavish vacations paid for by clients who have cases before the court, (8) that the fact that a justice’s spouse actively encouraged a coup attempt aimed at the U.S. government didn’t matter and (9) that another’s spouse got millions in business from another frequent visitor to the court did not matter either because, well, apparently because the High Nine are morally perfect individuals, which is not necessarily the case with (9) Domingo German, a pitcher for the New York Yankees, who pitched a perfect game against the Oakland A’s and, despite the fact it was only the 24th perfect game in Major League Baseball ever, was criticized by some because he had been (10) suspended by MLB a couple of years ago for spousal abuse, even though one must presume (or at least hope)  he had made significant enough changes in his life by now to merit reinstatement, while others suggested the accomplishment wasn’t much because (11) Oakland is one of the worst teams in baseball at the moment, an argument which ignores the fact that these are all major league players, the best ball players in the country, making a guaranteed minimum salary of $720,000 a year, and, all the while, much of the country (including New York State, where I live) witnessed all of this (12) through a choking haze of smoke courtesy of thousands of wildfires still burning in Canada, undoubtedly aggravated by (13) global warming, which almost no one is talking much about lately, certainly not (14) Rudy Giuliani, Trump’s former lawyer, who we learned sat down voluntarily for a chat with Special Counsel Jack Smith in connection with (15) investigations into the Jan. 6 insurrection and efforts by Trump to steal the 2020 election, leading to speculation that Giuliani, disbarred and disgraced, might be (16) looking for a plea deal to avoid a long prison term in exchange for information leading to (17) the indictment, arrest, conviction and imprisonment of the aforesaid Donald Trump.

     I knew I’d get there.

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PS: The Yankees have had four perfect games thrown by their pitchers, more than any other team. I watched on TV as Don Larsen threw his against the Dodgers in the 1956 World Series and 43 years later listened on radio as David Cone achieved perfection. People tend to forget that, not only the pitcher, but the whole team has to be perfect to accomplish this. Have a nice week.

rjgaydos@gmail.com

Bob Gaydos is writer-in-residence at zestoforange.com.