By Bob Gaydos

Governor Kathy Hochul says New York is suing the would-be king.

 I don’t know how it happened, what with the world on a 24-hour what-the- hell-did-he-do-now news cycle, but I somehow managed to miss a cycle or two and found myself scrambling to catch up. I apparently got some laundry and food shopping done and connected with a few friends, so it was time well spent. Still, life as we know it, you know?

     I realized I had had a news blackout when an image of Trump on the cover of Time Magazine (renamed “Trump”) showed up on my phone. (Remember when it was just spam calls?) He was wearing a smile and a crown. The headline said, “Long live the king.”

      That was fast, I thought. What else had I missed? Of course, I quickly discovered it was a mockup of Time put out by the White House, but the guy had actually uttered the words. Or rather, typed them on his social media platform: “CONGESTIONPRICING IS DEAD. Manhattan, and all of New York, is SAVED. LONG LIVE THE KING!”

   Having decreed New York City “saved” from its traffic issue, even though it’s none of his business (New York is suing), I learned Trump had also wandered into the wilderness in Ukraine, declaring that its president Volodymer Zelenskyy was “a dictator” and that Ukraine had actually started the war with Russia, apparently by letting itself be invaded by Vladimir Putin’s troops.

    This last bit of historical rewriting actually prompted a few Republican lawmakers to snap their suspenders and disagree publicly with their leader. I also found that his not so vague attempt at extorting valuable minerals from Ukraine in exchange for possibly continued U.S. support in the war, prompted some speculation that Trump was a Russian asset. A Putin puppet.

    Shocking!

    Actually, I was not at all surprised to learn this information because I have been convinced that Trump has been somehow compromised by Putin ever since their private meeting in Helsinki in 2018.

     I’ve said it before more than once and I’m saying it yet again — Putin emerged from that meeting looking like he had swallowed, not the canary, but the American eagle, and Trump looked like a teenaged boy who had just been caught doing something best done in private and was going to be blackmailed for it for the rest of his life.

      Just because “The Manchurian Candidate” was a movie doesn’t mean it couldn’t be happening before our very eyes. Especially with an ego-driven, cowardly person like Trump. Putin owns Trump. It’s not just Trump’s admiration for “strong“ leaders, I don’t think. Putin’s got the goods on Trump and Trump has been trying to satisfy his master, by sabotaging NATO and refusing to support Ukraine, among other things. Some might scoff that this is just another wild conspiracy theory (the bullet never hit him) and I’ve mocked conspiracy theorists myself. But it’s not a theory when it’s staring us in the face.

      But, as I said, that’s old news. Back in my news blackout I also apparently missed Trump firing the general heading the Joint Chiefs of Staff because he’s black and the heads of the Navy and Coast Guard because they’re women and replacing them with less qualified white men. Because DEI.

    But the real shocker came in the area I go to for escape from unsettling news. Sports. Apparently, after six decades and a bunch of championships, I learned the New York Yankees have lifted their ban on facial hair among players. Wow! This was even more shocking than reading about robot umpires being tested. Hal Steinbrenner Jr., team owner, has altered the policy initiated by his father to now allow facial hair as long as beards are “well trimmed.” I guess the players are happy.

      I’m not sure how I feel about this. The Yankee haters will have lost one of their major talking points. On the other hand, there’s something to be said for tradition and daring to be different. Maybe they’ll just have to go back to winning championships again. That would be nice.

    And maybe I need to stay on top of the news a little better because this catching up on stuff could drive a lesser person to drink. (Wink, wink.)

PS: The bullet never did hit him.

By Bob Gaydos

First responders with part of wreckage of American Airlines Flight 5342 in the Potomac River.

   Since there are thousands of concerned citizens monitoring and reporting on the daily doings of Trump 2: The Revenge, I thought I’d give the White House crew a chance to get their feet re-wet (is that a word?) before checking in and issuing a report. Also, it helps preserve my sanity.

   In any event, here’s a quick summary of Team Trump’s nearly a fortnight back in business:

   — Ukraine. The war is still raging despite Trump’s boast he would end it the day he got elected.

  — The price of eggs. Rather than falling, as Trump promised voters, they have risen. No sign of falling. Gas prices are up, too. Fruits and vegetables are likely to follow with the promised mass deportation of migrant farm workers.

  — Deportations. ICE agents arrested some American citizens and non-criminal immigrants in initial efforts of the pledge to detain and deport criminal undocumented immigrants. Without warrants in some cases. Mexico refused to allow a U. S. military plane carrying undocumented immigrants to land. Inappropriate, its president said. So did Colombia, but its president agreed when Trump agreed not to use military planes, only after his threat of tariffs on Colombian goods failed. Trump said he would use Guantanamo as a mass holding facility (concentration camp) for undocumented immigrants.

  — The budget. An executive order to freeze virtually all federal funding already approved by Congress caused mass confusion nationwide, besides being illegal. Congress was flooded with calls. Lawsuits were filed. Non-profits scrambled. The order was rescinded the next day over the protests of Trump advisor Stephen Miller.

  — Greenland. Denmark says it’s still not for sale.

  — Cabinet. Vice President Vance cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate to approve TV personality Pete Hegseth as secretary of defense, despite reports of his drinking, womanizing and lack of experience for the position. Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Trump’s nominee for health secretary, displayed no knowledge of how Medicare and Medicaid work. And his cousin, Caroline, called him a predator who has consistently sought to profit from the assassinations of his father and uncle.

  — Condoms. Trump’s new press secretary said her boss’s new quasi Department of Government Efficiency had stopped the shipment of $50 million in condoms to Gaza, which Fox News said were to be used by Hamas to make mini-bombs. This never happened. Government accountants said $50 million would buy one billion condoms.

  — Pardons. Three insurrectionists were re-arrested two days after their release from prison. Two others refused the pardons, saying we saw what we saw on television.

   — DEI, staffing, etc. Trump fired the female head of the Coast Guard, the FAA director, froze hiring of air traffic controllers, disbanded the Aviation Safety Advisory Committee, illegally fired all inspectors general and encouraged all federal employees to consider retirement or a job buyout, similar to the one his buddy/advisor/neo-nazi Elon Musk offered and reneged on at Twitter/X.

   — DEI, part 2. An army helicopter collided late at night with a passenger jet on path to land at Reagan National Airport outside Washington, D.C. The two aircraft landed in the Potomac River. The FAA said 67 people were killed, the largest air traffic fatality in the country in 16 years. Trump (see above firings, etc.), without proof, blamed the crash on DEI (diversity, equality, inclusion) policies in the Biden administration that allowed hiring of “those who suffer severe intellectual disabilities, psychiatric problems and other mental and physical conditions,” including people with hearing and vision issues as well as paralysis, epilepsy and “dwarfism.” Questioned repeatedly for specific roof of these allegations by reporters, he said he based his opinion on “common sense.”

   — DEI, part 3.  The FAA said staffing at the air traffic control tower was “not normal.” One controller was handling the job of two and the helicopter was off course.

  —  DEI, etc. While Trump blamed Biden, the nation mourned.

  Can’t wait for the next nearly a fortnight.