By Bob Gaydos

  “Put up or shut up.”

  That rather rude admonition occurred to me the other day as an apt metaphor for our times. Actually, it was delivered to me inadvertently and directly thanks to the United States Postal Service and social media.

    The message in the mail was not a new one, but it took on new significance as I tried to gather my wits, stamina, confidence and faith in an unknowable universe to deal with four more years of Trumpian chaos. What can one guy with an iPhone, a bunch of opinions and some supportive readers do to fight a wave of ignorance, intolerance and incompetence washing across our country?

    The mail held a couple of answers.

    One virtually shouted at me: “We’ve Seen 105 Years and 19 Presidents. Trump’s Gotta Get Past All of Us.”

     Right! I don’t have to do this alone. Step aside, ego. I knew this, of course, but at that moment I seriously needed a reminder.

     There are people who’ve been doing this a long time and know very well what they’re doing. Plus, they’re successful and they don’t ever give up. The ACLU.

      Yes, for the record, I’m already a card-carrying member of the American Civil Liberties Union and, yes, I’ll gladly renew. During Trump’s first term, the advocacy group filed 434 legal challenges against his administration. It won many important battles.

     Before Election Day 2024, it already had a plan in place, should Trump win, to fight his threatened mass deportation plan, provide legal aid to whistleblowers and those who oppose Trump’s policies, protect the rights of LGBTQ+ people and protect the right to reproductive freedom. All Trump targets.

    And they’ll do it all in court at all levels of government and all with experienced lawyers. So yeah, I’ll gladly put up a few bucks to help.

     There was also mail from the SPLC, another group of initials dedicated to fighting for people’s rights. The Southern Poverty Law Center was born in the civil rights movement and continues to fight for the rights of blacks (especially voting rights) across the South and, now, across the country. It has expanded its mission to fighting poverty, improving education and, notably, compiling a list of hate groups, state by state. 

    These groups, fed a steady diet of disinformation from far-right media that support Trump, represent a growing threat of violence against people of color, Jewish Americans, immigrants, LGBTQ+ and women. Again, all the people Trump targets when it suits his purpose.

   The SPLC has had some growing pains and internal issues recently in shifting its focus from helping individuals victimized by injustice to fighting injustice on a national scale, but it shows no less dedication in its mission and, again, it has been doing this for some time.

   Besides, the only other organization I can think of that might have compiled a list of hate groups state by state is the FBI and they don’t send me their list in the mail. So, yes, I will trust the SPLC and gladly renew my membership and, again, put my money where my mouth is.

    That’s the “put up” part. The “shut up” part came via social media. I’ve been sharing my opinions on various issues in newspapers and on social media for more than four decades now. I’m used to criticism. I also know that I speak for a lot of people who haven’t been given the privilege of opinionating publicly, as I have, or don’t feel comfortable doing so.

    So when I got a comment on one of my social media columns to the effect of: “It’s over. You lost. Stop” I had an immediate reaction. Not gonna happen. No way, no how and certainly not for any “sore winner.”

   No, I didn’t post this online. Never do. I’m not there to debate. But clearly, I got to this person. That’s good. Sometimes, the truth is hard to take. But I intend to keep spreading it as long as I can and it certainly helps to remember that, when it comes to fighting MAGA, you and I have our own bunch of smart initials — with lawyers who get paid — backing us up.

rjgaydos@gmail.com      

By Bob Gaydos

I think that I shall never see … RJ Photography

  This was going to be a rant, then I remembered it was Thanksgiving and I can always rant about the same stuff and the same people another day, so it’s going to be a gratitude column. Better for my health and yours. Better to be thankful than bitter. Better to enjoy the day. (It’ll also be much shorter.)

     So what am I thankful for? Let’s start with the confidence, after nearly 60 years of writing, to know that sometimes it’s OK to end a sentence with a preposition. Thankful, in large part, that at my age, although some components of my body have slowed down or simply broken, the brain seems willing and able to do this writing stuff every day. Sometimes, it insists.

     Thankful, of course, for readers across the years, who have been there to give me encouragement, criticism and feedback and continue to do so today. Without you, I’m an old man talking to myself.

    I’m thankful for the teachers, colleagues and mentors I’ve had along the way and even the bosses who didn’t appreciate my unique talent. They taught me humility and how to look for a new job.

      On a more personal level, I’m thankful for family and friends, old and new, who have provided love and support and still help me to be open to new challenges, new ideas, new vitamin supplements.

      For Max and Zack and filling the birdfeeders on a sunny day. For sushi, salt and vinegar potato chips, thin, crisp, New York pizza, Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia, baseball, tall trees, an occasional hot dog, coffee, guacamole, artists and poets, cataract surgery, Bill Wilson, wonton noodle soup, music, electric blankets, horses and dogs. Cats, too.

     Thankful for science and the fact that I have successfully gone from typing my story or column on an Underwood manual typewriter to a Taiahiro Gaming Keyboard, which takes my iPhone hostage. Thank you, Gilbert.

     I’m also thankful I’ve learned how to get in and when to get out. I tried to keep this under 300 words, but I guess I have more to be thankful for than I thought. Thankful for that.

Happy Thanksgiving,

Bob

(Don’t be shy. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.)

By Bob Gaydos

Aaron Rodgers and Donald Trump, birds of a feather?

     Sometimes you can’t win for trying.

      If you’re a regular reader of my column (and thank you for that), you probably noticed I’ve taken a break from politics the last few posts. It was deliberate. A need to get centered and focused on what’s important in life before engaging, slowly, with the current … umm reality.

      But wouldn’t you know it, just as I decided it was time to tackle the litany of “in your face” spite appointments emanating from Mar-a-Lago, one of the most gratuitous Trump insults to the rule of law and the Constitution decided for himself (maybe) that there’s such a thing as being too cocky. Especially when there’s mounting evidence that you participated in a large sex trafficking ring, which apparently included an underage female and you also happen to be a member of Congress.

    Matt Gaetz will not be the next attorney general of the United States of America. He withdrew his name from consideration for the post, even though Republicans on the House Ethics Committee tried to keep him in the game by refusing to release their report on Gaetz’s activities.

      The stuff will all come out, but Gaetz, thankfully, is gone from Congress, having resigned soon after Trump named him as Attorney General pick. It was probably just a way to kill the report, but, also good news, too many Senate Republicans were having trouble swallowing Gaetz, even for their exalted leader. Checks and balances, anyone?

     So, good riddance to Gaetz and thank you for unintended consequences.

     This, of course, leaves a spoiled fish stew of other appointments and nominations announced by Team Trump to help run the country for four years without running it into bankruptcy or court, like virtually all other activities involving Trump.

       Bubbling to the top of this pot are worm brain, anti-vaxxer Robert F. Kennedy Jr., to be Health Secretary and TV crackpot Dr. Mehmet Oz to head Medicare and Medicaid.

  Close behind is Fox TV personality Pete Hegseth, as Defense Secretary, apparently because he once served in the military and stands accused of doping a woman’s drink to have sex with her (some call this rape), which refers back to the Gaetz qualifications for Trump’s Cabinet.

    Toss in a fracking company exec for Energy Secretary and a drill baby drill guy for Interior and you know where this is going. Lots of back-scratching and little concern for the future of the planet or the people.

      For now, also throw in a choice for Education Secretary who said she was a teacher, but wasn’t, but did run a professional wrestling business and donated millions to Trump’s campaign and a U.N. Ambassador who has no diplomatic experience but totally switched her political philosophy when Trump hijacked the GOP.

      It remains to be seen where Republicans in the Senate draw the line on Trump’s choices, if anywhere, but I’m hopeful that MAGA’s history of incompetence holds true and becomes evident to a lot more Americans.

     As a former sports editor, one of the things I turned to in my brief hiatus was the NFL season, such as it is in New York. If you want a non-political example of MAGA incompetence, take the New York Jets. Please, as Henny Youngman used to say.

      Their owner, Woody Johnson (Johnson & Johnson) is a big Trumper. He was rewarded with the ambassadorship to the United Kingdom in Trump’s first term and is looking for a repeat. Maybe he just wants to get out of town.

      Johnson thought he would improve his football team by insisting on paying big money to hire Aaron Rodgers, a 40-year-old quarterback who refused to be vaccinated against Covid, doubted the Sandy Hook School shootings and 9/11 attacks were truthfully reported and felt strongly both ways on abortion. He was critical of Trump, but questioned the results of the 2020 election and had the same Trumpian tendency to make stuff up. RFK Jr. considered Rodgers as a vice presidential running mate before jumping to Trump.

      Well, Jets fans know how that Rodgers decision worked out. In a disastrous season, Johnson fired the coach and general manager because, well, quarterback Rodgers may have shared some political views with Johnson, but he couldn’t connect often enough with his receivers. Out of touch and out of step. Time for a new quarterback. 

     If that’s a metaphor for MAGA, I hope all the rest of us USA fans can simply survive through a losing season and, like Jets fans, let ‘em know it’s time to draft a new quarterback.

      Heck, maybe everything is politics.

Addiction and Recovery

By Bob Gaydos  

“No, thank you“ is an acceptable answer at holiday parties.

    When I began writing my Addiction and Recovery column more than 15 years ago, it soon became obvious to me from conversations with people in recovery that this time of the year could be challenging, especially for those with alcohol or food disorders.

      We are entering the so-called Bermuda Triangle of Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s, the time to “eat, drink, and be merry.” That can be tough to do when you’re an alcoholic in early recovery, someone with an eating disorder, or someone who just loves to use the credit card. Addicts all in their own way.
Times have changed. We now have California sobriety, Dry Januarys, fancy mocktails. But the suggestions in this column remain pretty much the same, as gleaned from talking to members of Alcoholics Anonymous with longtime sobriety. If  it’s not broke, they suggest, don’t fix it.

     But, as time has gone on, I’ve learned that an equally important audience for this column is the party givers, some of whom may not understand the challenges of recovery. So, gracious hosts, this one’s also for you.

    People who have found their way to recovery, be it via a 12-step program or otherwise, have been given suggestions on how to survive the season of temptation without relapse. If they use these tools, with practice, they can even enjoy the season.

   It’s the rest of you I’m mainly talking to here. You hosts, family members, well-meaning friends who want to be supportive and do the right thing, but aren’t sure what that is. And yes, to those who don’t get the concept of addiction at all, but can still avoid harming a relationship by following a few basic suggestions. So, herewith, some coping tools for the non-addicted, if you will:

• “No thank you” is a complete sentence and perfectly acceptable answer. It should not require any further explanation. “One drink won’t hurt you” is a dangerously ill-informed reply. The same goes for, “A few butter cookies won’t hurt. C’mon, it’s Christmas.” Or, “Get the dress, Put it on your credit card. You’ll feel better.” Not really.
• By the way, “No thank you” is an acceptable answer even for people not in recovery. Not everyone who turns down a second helping of stuffing or a piece of pumpkin pie is a member of Overeaters Anonymous. Not everyone who prefers a ginger ale rather than a beer is a member of AA. Not everyone who won’t go into hock for an expensive New Year’s Eve party is a compulsive debtor. But some of them may be.
•  If you’re hosting a party to which people in recovery have been invited, have some non-alcoholic beverages available. Not just water. There are plenty of new ones available. Don’t make a big deal about having them, just let your guests know they are available. The same goes for food. Have some appetizing low-calorie dishes and healthful desserts on hand. Don’t point out that they’re there because so-and-so is watching his weight. Just serve them. You’ll be surprised how many guests enjoy them and comment on what a good host you are.
• If you’re honestly concerned about how the person in recovery is doing, approach him or her privately. He or she might not feel comfortable discussing it in front of other guests. If you’re just curious, keep it to yourself.

Honoring a guest’s wishes is a sign of respect. Anticipating them in advance is even better. Encouraging someone to eat, drink or spend money when they don’t want to is, at the very least, not gracious. Pressuring someone to partake of something when you know he or she is trying hard to avoid it is a good way to lose a friend. Addictions are not trivial matters. “No, thank you,” is a perfectly good answer. Members of  Alcoholics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous and Debtors Anonymous will be especially appreciative if you remember that. 

Enjoy your party.

                                             ***

For recovering addicts, the tools should be familiar, but always bear repeating:

•  Bring a recovery friend to a party.
•  Have phone numbers and your own transportation available if you want to leave an uncomfortable situation.
•  If you’re uncomfortable about attending a party because of who will be there, be it family or friends who are not supportive, don’t go. Politely decline. 
•  Keep track of your drink. If you’re not sure, get a new one.
•  When shopping, deal in cash; forget about credit cards.
•  Don’t feel obliged to try every dish on the table. 
• And, again, “No, thank you,” is a complete sentence. Don’t worry about hurting your host’s feelings at the expense of your recovery. There’s always next year.

Enjoy your recovery.

For more information:

Alcoholics Anonymous: www.aa.org

Overeaters Anonymous: www.oa.org

PS: Don’t be shy about sharing this column with anyone you think would benefit from it.

rjgaydos@gmail.com

By Bob Gaydos

Hawk, watching me watching it

Following my own advice, lately I’ve been trying to maintain a sense of serenity in an increasingly untidy world by being more conscious of what’s going on in my own chunk of it. What’s going on around me and what can I do, as physicist/author Thomas Campbell says, to reduce the entropy?

In the simplest terms, which is all I’m qualified to offer, Campbell’s book, “My Big TOE (Theory of Everything)”, uses physics and mathematics to explain, among other things, that consciousness is fundamental in the universe, and that the goal of the Larger Consciousness System is reduction of entropy, or disorder.

       As part of that system, I feel I have to do my part. So I focused on my world. No politics.

     Well, the biggest news story around here has been a massive fire that has consumed acres of forest around Greenwood Lake, a lovely spot which sits on the border of New York and New Jersey. The fire has raged for days in this area, which has been uncharacteristically rain-free for weeks. I’m trying not to speculate that global warming, which some people say doesn’t exist, has had any part in this change of weather pattern.

 The positive news is that no homes have been destroyed as of this writing and no evacuations have been necessary thus far. 

    However, an 18-year-old parks employee, helping with the massive fire control effort, was killed when a tree fell on him. A tragedy. And I’ve seen no account of the significant toll the fire has surely taken on the wildlife that call the forest home.

       Connecting those dots, it has been all too easy to notice the toll taken on wildlife in my neighborhood by the confluence of mating season, the end of Daylight Savings Time and the steady increase in land development and consequent reduction of forest space for deer to live  free and safely.

     A 10-minute drive this morning produced three deer carcasses on the side of the road. Another drive the other night, about 15 minutes, resulted in close encounters with half a dozen deer.

      Four friends of mine have had direct contact with deer this season, the result being one totaled Subaru, one dead buck and three trips to the repair shop. Fortunately, none of my friends was hurt.

       Counting raccoons, squirrels, foxes and other wildlife just out there looking for some food, there were more than 35,000 animal-related crashes in New York State in 2023, according to the Institute for Traffic Safety Management & Research. That’s about one every 15 minutes. 

      My limited contribution to reducing the entropy in this regard has been to utilize my cataracts-free eyes gratefully and diligently when on the road. Really, it’s more like self-preservation.

     As I was writing this column, I noticed a hawk sitting on a branch of a tree out back. Consciousness, I said to myself. So I sat and watched the hawk as the hawk sat and watched whatever was going on in our patch of New York.

     Not much. The dogs, much too big to be prey for this predator in any case, were in the house. There were no squirrels, chipmunks or rabbits to be seen. We, the hawk and I, sat and watched for 15 minutes. Very patient bird.

      Then, suddenly, he or she took off, flying swiftly to our neighbors’ property and an apparent target of opportunity. Out of my sight. Not sure I had much effect on the entropy there.

     But, as fate, or synchronicity, would have it, just as the hawk flew off, a bulletin from The New York Times popped up on my phone. Donald Trump was planning to nominate Rep. Elise Stefanik as U.S. ambassador to the United Nations.

      Talk about potential entropy. Stefanik went from being a fairly normal middle-of-the-road Republican to a number one Trump stooge and apologist literally overnight. No qualms. No apologies. No explanation.  Like that hawk, just waiting for her opportunity.

     Yeah, it’s politics, but she’s from upstate New York and strongly supported George Santos, the phony disgraced congressman from Long Island, when he ran for Congress. We like to keep our portion of the Empire State free from such, umm, entropy sources.

      Sorry, readers. Sorry, Mr. Campbell. Guess you could call that a slip. Creature of habit. 

                               Friday, Nov. 8, 2024

By Bob Gaydos

     I saw a shooting star last night. Spoiler alert: Yes, this is going to be one of those “synchronicity strikes again, isn’t that something and it can only be a good sign” columns. 

     To start with, I’ve never seen a shooting star before. The only reason I saw this one is that Prince, our resident beagle/Australian shepherd mix decided he needed to take one more trip outside around midnight. Since he was already over his usual daily allotment of such outings, this was rare.

   We walked outside, I looked up at the sky, and said to myself, Wow, that is spectacular, referring to all the stars visible. When you live in the country, the lights of so-called civilization don’t interfere. Then I looked off to to my right, to the east, and sonofagun: shooting star. Cool.

     Of course, when I came back inside, I immediately posted my experience on Facebook. A good omen, I called it. 

     But of course, I checked with a reliable source. The Farmers Almanac told me: “With many people of all cultures looking to the heavens for signs, symbols, and answers for eons, it is no surprise that shooting star superstitions exist. The most prevalent superstition is that it is good luck to wish upon a star.  …

    “In the second century, the Greek astronomer Ptolemy hypothesized that they were a result of the gods peering down from heaven, having parted the heavens to do so and therefore dislodging a star in the process. Because a shooting star was a tangible symbol of the gods looking down at that moment, it was believed that a wish or request made upon seeing the star was more likely to be heard and granted. …

    “In the 1830s, the idea of wishing upon stars became even more prominent in modern beliefs. Seeing a meteor was believed to be a sign of promise, luck, and good fortune.”

      Looking for a second source, I turned to current science. Google AI told me this: “Some believe that seeing a shooting star is a sign of good fortune or luck. An old superstition suggests that wishing upon a shooting star will grant your wish.”

      Well, one man’s superstition is another man’s omen. And what some call coincidence, others see as synchronicity. It is all connected. One need only pay attention.

      Friends, trying to be helpful, pointed out to me that what I had seen was actually a meteor, part of a meteor shower expected last night. And scientists point out that if I were to go outside and lie down on my back and stare up at the sky for 15 minutes on a dark night, I might well see a dozen “shooting stars.“

     But I didn’t. I went out on this particular night, looked to my right (to the East, the good luck direction) and saw something I had never seen before, even out here in the country. It was like that black squirrel I wrote about a while back. Apparently, just not as rare.

      Anyway, I had a couple of wishes. I made them. I guess you’re supposed to keep the wishes secret so as not to jinx them. I will say that one of them concerned a legendary New York City baseball team located in the Bronx and a stroke of fortune that might befall them concerning another kind of shooting star if they look to the right.

    The other wish was political in nature. Any regular reader of my column could probably look to the right and voice some version of it. In fact, go ahead and do it on my star.

     Meteor, shmeteor, who am I to argue with Ptolemy?

    The gods are with us.

rjgaydos@gmail.com

By Bob Gaydos

   “This, too, shall pass.“

   That’s a text I received from a friend this morning. It was in response to a text I had sent saying, “It sucks.”

    Now, I’m well aware of the “this too shall pass“ philosophy of life. And, yes, it has its usefulness. But, see, I am more in the “day at a time” stage of life. At 83, waiting for something unpleasant to pass, painfully like a kidney stone, or slowly, like torture, doesn’t really appeal to me.

      Eckhart Tolle‘s philosophy of  “the power of now” encourages me to focus on what’s right in front of me at the moment and not imagine what’s going to happen in the future because I have no control over it. Because there is only now. There is no next.

    Many years ago, another friend said to me, “Bobby, isn’t it great to be present in your own life.” Many years ago some people actually called me Bobby.

    I slowly came to realize what he was saying. Enjoy the present. Be grateful for what you have. Do something positive over things you can control. Projection breeds anxiety,  breeds worry, breeds negative behavior and negative results.

    So that’s what I’m doing. I’m dealing with the results of the 2024 presidential election on a personal rather than professional level. That is, rather than writing a commentary in the manner of editorial writer or columnist, which I have been doing for decades, I will deal with it on a personal level, just for today.

    The primary reason for this approach is that when I get in my editorial writing mode I can tend to be a little abrasive, judgmental, even sarcastic and nasty, all in the service of being honest, because, theoretically, I’m not writing just my own opinion.

    I could wind up writing something like, “The only reason millions of Americans voted for Donald Trump is that they are stupid and lazy.” I used to say that all the time to another friend of mine, usually blaming much of the stupidity and laziness on an education system that is failing too many people. Too many don’t know history, economics, or civics. Also, there’s religious zealotry and racism.

      But saying that only angers people and I certainly have no control over those issues. So I’m not going to do that today.

       I will, however, say that I think living a day at a time to the best of my ability will be better for my health and offer me a much better chance of being able to cast a vote for a qualified presidential candidate in four years when I won’t have to worry about millions of others preferring the other candidate, who is a twice-impeached serial liar, convicted felon, adjudicated sex offender, misogynist, racist, fascist, mentally incompetent insurrectionist and lazy SOB.

      So, just for today, I will walk my dog and encourage my texting friend to hug his 80-something mother.

PS: Don’t get frustrated. It takes practice.

By Bob Gaydos

George W. Bush and Kamala Harris

   Some final thoughts while waiting for the results of an election, the likes of which I never expected or wanted to witness …

— Where’s W? Is George Bush so intimidated by the violent rhetoric spewing from Donald Trump’s mouth that he cannot bring himself to publicly denounce what has happened to the Republican Party that once once proudly nominated and then supported him and his father as each served as president? His own daughter is campaigning for Kamala Harris.

  George, your vice president’s daughter has had the courage of her convictions to denounce Trump for the horrible human being he is and the threat he poses to American democracy. That courage cost Liz Cheney her seat in Congress as Trump’s Republican Party refused to support her. 

     George, you’re 78 years old, same as Trump. You have your place in history. Time is not on your side. An act of statesmanship and patriotism would be a great  capper for your biography. Endorse Kamala Harris.

     …. Actually, that’s it. Everybody else vote for Kamala Harris. Your country as you know it depends upon it.