Addiction and Recovery

By Bob Gaydos  

Hosts should know that “No, thank you“ is an acceptable answer at holiday parties.

    When I began writing my Addiction and Recovery column 18 years ago, it soon became obvious to me from conversations with people in recovery that this time of the year could be challenging, especially for those with alcohol or food disorders. Accordingly, and because new people enter recovery each year, I have made this particular column an annual offering.

***

    We are entering the so-called Bermuda Triangle of Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s, the time to “eat, drink, and be merry.” That can be tough to do when you’re an alcoholic in early recovery, someone with an eating disorder, or someone who just loves to use the credit card. Addicts all in their own way. Times have changed. We now have California sobriety, Dry Januarys, fancy mocktails. But the suggestions in this column remain pretty much the same, many of them gleaned from talking to members of Alcoholics Anonymous with longtime sobriety. If  it’s not broke, they suggest, don’t fix it.    But, as time has gone on, I’ve learned that an equally important audience for this column are the party givers, some of whom may not understand the challenges of recovery. So, gracious hosts, this one’s also for you.

    People who have found their way to recovery, be it via a 12-step program or otherwise, have been given suggestions on how to survive the season of temptation without relapse. If they use these tools, with practice, they can even enjoy the season.

   It’s the rest of you I’m mainly talking to here. You hosts, family members, well-meaning friends who want to be supportive and do the right thing, but aren’t sure what that is. And yes, to those who don’t get the concept of addiction at all, but can still avoid harming a relationship by following a few basic suggestions. So, herewith, some coping tools for the non-addicted, if you will:

• “No, thank you” is a complete sentence and perfectly acceptable answer. It should not require any further explanation. “One drink won’t hurt you” is a dangerously ill-informed reply. The same goes for, “A few butter cookies won’t hurt. C’mon, it’s Christmas.” Or, “Get the dress. Put it on your credit card. You’ll feel better.” Not really.
• By the way, “No, thank you” is an acceptable answer even for people not in recovery. Not everyone who turns down a second helping of stuffing or a piece of pumpkin pie is a member of Overeaters Anonymous. Not everyone who prefers a ginger ale rather than a beer is a member of AA. Not everyone who won’t go into hock for an expensive New Year’s Eve party is a compulsive debtor. But some of them may be.
•  If you’re hosting a party to which people in recovery have been invited, have some non-alcoholic beverages available. Not just water. There are plenty of new ones available. Don’t make a big deal about having them, just let your guests know they are available. The same goes for food. Have some appetizing low-calorie dishes and healthful desserts on hand. Don’t point out that they’re there because so-and-so is watching his weight. Just serve them. You’ll be surprised how many guests enjoy them and comment on what a good host you are.
• If you’re honestly concerned about how the person in recovery is doing, approach him or her privately. He or she might not feel comfortable discussing it in front of other guests. If you’re just curious, keep it to yourself.

     Honoring a guest’s wishes is a sign of respect. Anticipating them in advance is even better. Encouraging someone to eat, drink or spend money when they don’t want to is, at the very least, not gracious. Pressuring someone to partake of something when you know he or she is trying hard to avoid it is a good way to lose a friend. Addictions are not trivial matters. “No, thank you,” is a perfectly good answer. Members of  Alcoholics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous and Debtors Anonymous will be especially appreciative if you remember that. 

Enjoy your party.

                               ***

   For recovering addicts, the tools should be familiar, but always bear repeating:

•  Bring a recovery friend to a party.
•  Have phone numbers and your own transportation available if you want to leave an uncomfortable situation.
•  If you’re uncomfortable about attending a party because of who will be there, be it family or friends who are not supportive, don’t go. Politely decline. 
•  Keep track of your drink. If you’re not sure the one on the table is yours, get a new one.
•  When shopping, deal in cash; forget about credit cards.
•  Don’t feel obliged to try every dish on the table. 
• And, again, “No, thank you,” is a complete sentence. Don’t feel obliged to explain and don’t worry about hurting your host’s feelings at the expense of your recovery. There’s always next year.

     Enjoy your recovery.

For more information:

Alcoholics Anonymous: www.aa.org

Overeaters Anonymous: www.oa.org

Debtors Anonymous: debtorsanonymous.org

PS: Don’t be shy about sharing this column with anyone you think would benefit from it. And enjoy your holidays.

rjgaydos@gmail.com

Addiction and Recovery

There has been a significant increase in gambling among young adults, especially since the legalization of sports betting.

By Bob Gaydos

“Football, beer, and above all, gambling filled up the horizon of their minds. To keep them in control was not difficult.”

— George Orwell, “1984”

                                 ***

    Man, was Orwell tuned in.

    My mind went to Orwell’s famous quote when I read about the FBI arresting more than 30 people, including an NBA Star and a head coach as well as several alleged Mafia members in connection with insider sports betting and rigged poker games. The feds say millions of dollars were involved. I say I’m not surprised.

    I’ve been writing this addiction and recovery column for nearly 20 years. Despite all the legitimate focus on the damage wrought by substance abuse and alcoholism and the need to help the addicted find recovery, I’ve always felt that addiction to gambling did more far-reaching harm, affecting more non-addicted people while receiving considerably less attention.

    I also felt that the professional sports leagues were asking for trouble when they linked up officially with legal sports betting. But the lure of big profits, like a winning hand at the casino or the payoff for a missed field goal, proved to be too much. Like addiction.

   So Congress now wants to talk to NBA officials about another star accused of faking an injury to cover an over/under bet and a coach serving as a front for the mob to lure suckers into a rigged poker game.

   That’s good. But I want to talk about the growing problem of gambling addiction, particularly among young adults.

  I don’t believe in coincidences. A recent Gallup Poll got a lot of attention because it found that only 54 percent of U.S. adults said they drink alcohol, an all time low. The decline was most significant among young adults (18-34), for whom the drinking rate has fallen to 50 percent. That’s down from 72 percent two decades ago. Good news, right?

    The decline was attributed to several factors, including greater health awareness, availability of non-alcoholic drinks and, yes, greater accessibility to legalized cannabis.

      But the figures also show that what is called “Problematic gambling” is becoming more common in young adults, with a notable increase in helpline callers between the ages of 18 and 24 since 2019, with the legalization of sports betting.

   The figures also show a significant increase in people searching online for help with gambling addiction, which is now recognized as a mental health disorder. From 2018 to 2023, the National Council on Problem Gambling reported a 30 percent  increase in gambling problems related to sports betting.

    It also reported that Online sportsbooks had a substantially greater impact on those seeking help for gambling addiction than traditional casinos. This is not surprising, given younger generations’ addiction to smartphones and online platforms that make gambling available 24 hours a day as long as you can get a signal.

    But there’s also help available 24 hours a day from local crisis hotlines which have trained counselors who can refer callers to professional help. If you think you’re just dealing with “problematic gambling,” but others think otherwise, Gamblers Anonymous, which offers a 12-step recovery program based on the Alcoholics Anonymous program, has a questionnaire to help you decide.

Gamblers Anonymous 20 questions

1. Did you ever lose time from work or school due to gambling? Yes    No
2. Has gambling ever made your home life unhappy? Yes    No
3. Did gambling affect your reputation? Yes    No
4. Have you ever felt remorse after gambling? Yes    No
5. Did you ever gamble to get money with which to pay debts or otherwise solve financial difficulties? Yes    No
6. Did gambling cause a decrease in your ambition or efficiency? Yes    No
7. After losing did you feel you must return as soon as possible and win back your losses? Yes    No
8. After a win did you have a strong urge to return and win more? Yes    No
9. Did you often gamble until your last dollar was gone? Yes    No
10. Did you ever borrow to finance your gambling?  Yes No
11. Have you ever sold anything to finance gambling? Yes    No
12. Were you reluctant to use “gambling money” for normal expenditures? Yes    No
13. Did gambling make you careless of the welfare of yourself or your family? Yes    No
14. Did you ever gamble longer than you had planned? Yes    No
15. Have you ever gambled to escape worry, trouble, boredom, loneliness, grief or loss? Yes    No
16. Have you ever committed, or considered committing, an illegal act to finance gambling? Yes    No
17. Did gambling cause you to have difficulty in sleeping? Yes    No
18. Do arguments, disappointments or frustrations create within you an urge to gamble? Yes    No
19. Did you ever have an urge to celebrate any good fortune by a few hours of gambling? Yes    No
20. Have you ever considered self-destruction or suicide as a result of your gambling? Yes    No

      According to GA, most compulsive gamblers will answer ‘’yes’’ to at least 7 of these questions. If that’s the case, talking to someone who knows about how to deal with the “problem” would be the safe bet.

By Bob Gaydos

The Mental Health Association Bell.
RJ Photography

A while back I ended a column on what I perceived as the insanity of my daily “news” feed on social media noting that one post had informed me that May was Mental Health Awareness Month. “Sign me up,” I wrote in an attempt to end a column on an unfunny state of affairs with a bit of levity. A writer’s gimmick.

Now I feel a need to clarify. I don’t think mental health is a joking matter and, in fact, I’ve already signed up.

On May 1, I had the honor of reading The History of the Bell at the annual meeting of Mental Health Association in Orange County (N.Y.). The honor was mine as the outgoing president of the board of directors of the private, non-profit agency, a post I was privileged to hold for five years.

I’m including that history here because I believe it deserves a broader audience.

***

The History of the MHA Bell

During the early days of mental health treatment, asylums often restrained persons with mental illnesses with iron chains and shackles around their ankles and wrists. Clifford Beers, the founder of the Mental Health Association movement, experienced and witnessed many of these and other abuses. After his own recovery, he became a leading figure in the movement to reform the treatment of, and attitudes toward, mental illness. With better understanding and treatment, cruel practices eventually stopped.

In the early 1950s, in the lobby of the National Headquarters in New York City, the Mental Health Association collected discarded chains and shackles from asylums across the country. All of these restraints were then shipped to the McShane Bell Foundry in Baltimore, Maryland, where they were dropped into a crucible and cast into a 300-pound bell.

The inscription on the bell reads:

“Cast from shackles which bound them,
this bell shall ring out hope for the mentally ill
and victory over mental illness.”

As we seek the vision of victory over mental illness, we need the participation of all citizens in shaping the future of mental health services. We need to remove the shackles from the wisdom of recipients of mental health services and their families and recognize the value of their experience in shaping future policy. Through full citizen participation,

This bell will ring for hope,
This bell will ring for freedom,
This bell will ring for victory.

***

We’re big in this country on designating special months and days for special causes, but I don’t think mental health awareness should go away on June 1 for another year.

Not in a time when those with the power to return us to the years of chains and shackles are talking about slashing or eliminating financial support for agencies like MHA and thousands of others that were called upon to provide the care and assistance needed by those released when those oppressive asylums were closed down across the country.

Not in a time when persons without proper health training, experience and credentials are in charge of national health policy.

Not in a time when Congress is discussing eliminating Medicaid, which pays for much of that support to thousands of Americans.

Not in a time when thousands of federal employees who provide research and other vital assistance to those suffering with mental illness are being let go.

Not in a time when when federal funding for agencies that address addiction problems is being eliminated.

Not in a time when programs for veterans dealing with mental illness are being eliminated.

Not in a time when politicians are talking about eliminating the national suicide hotline.

Not in a time when anyone who doesn’t fit the powers-that-be’s increasingly narrow profile of “acceptable” is in danger of being snatched off the street and placed in shackles.

May is almost over, but the bell for hope and freedom for the mentally ill needs to keep ringing. Mental health is health. Sign me up.

***

Addiction and Recovery

By Bob Gaydos

“I’m a single mom. I work hard. I deserve it.”

   Perhaps lost to the public in the daily onslaught of massive cuts to the workforces of federal agencies is the 10 percent reduction, with the threat of possibly another 50 percent to come in one of the smaller, but not unimportant, agencies: SAMHSA.

    SAMHSA stands for Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. It is part of the federal government’s health network. Its mission:  “To lead public health and service delivery efforts that promote mental health, prevent substance misuse, and provide treatment and support to foster recovery while ensuring equitable access and better outcomes.” It used to say for all.

     Like other federal agencies, SAMHSA employees say they can’t effectively deliver on their mission without sufficient resources.  Among the services provided to local mental health agencies and local governments are the 24-hour suicide hotline and information and resources to deal with drug addiction and alcoholism.

      Seeing as the new health commissioner, Bobby Kennedy Jr., has a history of drug addiction, and tea-totaler Donald Trump has an oft-stated fear of alcohol and alcoholism, having watched his brother Fred die in his 40s of the disease, it’s surprising to me that they would want to weaken this particular agency. 

   Then again, maybe Elon Musk didn’t tell them about these cuts and resents Kennedy reviving studies to try to tie the use of vaccines to autism, a theory long disproved.

    In any event, one of the useful services provided by SAMHSA is a self-test to determine if you have a problem with alcohol. I’ve run the test a number of times in this column and it seems to be an appropriate time to do it again. It’s called AUDIT.

       AUDIT stands for alcohol use disorders identification test. It’s the most widely used test in the world and is compiled by the World Health Organization. Shhh. Don’t tell Trump.

       And be honest.

The AUDIT

Please circle the answer that is correct for you

1. How often do you have a drink containing alcohol?

• Never
• Monthly or less
• 2-4 times a month
• 2-3 times a week
• 4 or more times a week

2. How many standard drinks containing alcohol do you have on a typical day when drinking?

• 1or2
• 3or4
• 5or6
• 7to9
• 10 or more

3. How often do you have six or more drinks on one occasion?

• Never
• Less than monthly
• Monthly
• Weekly
• Daily or almost daily

4. During the past year, how often have you found that you were not able to stop drinking once you had started?

• Never
• Less than monthly
• Monthly
• Weekly
• Daily or almost daily

5. During the past year, how often have you failed to do what was normally expected of you because of drinking?

• Never
• Less than monthly
• Monthly
• Weekly
• Daily or almost daily

6. During the past year, how often have you needed a drink in the morning to get yourself going after a heavy drinking session?

• Never
• Less than monthly
• Monthly
• Weekly
• Daily or almost daily

7. During the past year, how often have you had a feeling of guilt or remorse after drinking?

• Never
• Less than monthly
• Monthly
• Weekly
• Daily or almost daily

8. During the past year, have you been unable to remember what happened the night before because you had been drinking?

• Never
• Less than monthly
• Monthly
• Weekly
• Daily or almost daily

9. Have you or someone else been injured as a result of your drinking?

• No
• Yes, but not in the past year
• Yes, during the past year

10. Has a relative or friend, doctor or other health worker been concerned about your drinking or suggested you cut down?

• No
• Yes, but not in the past year
• Yes, during the past year

Scoring the AUDIT

Scores for each question range from 0 to 4, with the first response for each question (eg never) scoring 0, the second (eg less than monthly) scoring 1, the third (eg monthly) scoring 2, the fourth (eg weekly) scoring 3, and the last response (eg. daily or almost daily) scoring 4. For questions 9 and 10, which only have three responses, the scoring is 0, 2 and 4.

The range of possible scores is from 0 to 40, with 0 indicating an abstainer who has never had any problems from alcohol. A score of 1 to 7 suggests low-risk consumptions, according to World Health Organization (WHO) guidelines. Scores from 8 to 14 suggest hazardous or harmful alcohol consumption and a score of 15 or more indicates the likelihood of alcohol dependence (moderate-severe alcohol use disorder).

If your score concerns you, there is help available. Talk with your primary care doctor. Call an Alcoholics Anonymous hotline in your area. Call a mental health crisis hotline if one is available.

   Excessive alcohol use is now classified as a mental disorder by health officials, somewhat in response to the stigma attached to the word “alcoholic.”  However, most recovering members of Alcoholics Anonymous have no problem with identifying as such. In any case, it is not a moral failing. It can be treated. First, it has to be acknowledged.

    Again, be honest.

Addiction and Recovery

By Bob Gaydos

Pam Hemphill
“… we were wrong”

  It isn’t every day that you get to see recovery in action in a meaningful way other than someone not abusing alcohol or other drugs, which in itself is no small feat. When it does happen, though, the message is powerful.

     A couple of days after Trump pardoned all the rioters involved in the January 6, 2020, insurrection at the U.S. Capitol, one of those pardoned appeared on a TV news show to explain why she was turning down the pardon.

    My ears perked up. “It’s an insult to the Capitol Police, to the rule of law and to the nation, the woman said. I did it. I was wrong. If I accept a pardon, I’m continuing their propaganda, their gaslighting and all their falsehoods they’re putting out there about Jan. 6.”

    The woman, who was called “MAGA Granny” in some news reports at the time, wasn’t done.

     “I’ve been sober more than 40 years,” she said. “I’m a member of a 12-step group. I look at my behavior and when I’m wrong I admit it. I was wrong.”

      That was Pam Hemphill, 71, of Boise, Idaho, doing a tenth step on live TV. For those unfamiliar with it, the 10th step of Alcoholics Anonymous, which created the 12-step recovery program, and every other group which adopted them, states: “Continued to take personal inventory and, when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.”

      Since Hemphill served 60 days in prison after pleading guilty for her part in the insurrection, one might question the word “promptly,” but in her case it seems to have happened as soon as she came to the realization, as she put it, “I was part of a cult.” 

    She said that she no longer supports Trump or believes his lie that the 2020 election was stolen. A retired alcohol and drug counselor, Hemphill said, “I was not a victim of Jan. 6; I was a volunteer.”

     She said she has received death threats for expressing her regrets about her actions on January 6 and that she has stopped trying to convince her former Maga allies that everything Trump said was a pack of lies, including that the election had been stolen.

  “This is part of my amends; to stand up to the facts of what really happened on Jan. 6, to stop the gaslighting and all the lies that have been perpetrated out there for their own benefits,” Hemphill further said, thereby putting AA’s eighth and ninth steps into action.

    Eight: “Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.”

    Nine: “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them, or others.”

     Making amends to the Capitol police and the rest of the nation on live TV would seem to cover eight and nine.

      Those unfamiliar with the philosophy of the 12-step program might wonder what any of this has to do with not drinking. Well, Hemphill has been through quite an ordeal, from participating in a riot at the U.S. Capitol to serving 60 days in prison (which she says was filthy), to going on TV to accept responsibility for her actions, express regret and reject a pardon and denounce the lies and cult of Trump.

  That’s a lot for anyone. Apparently, she came through it all without drinking or drugging and, in effect, a changed person.

   The 12th step speaks of “having had a spiritual awakening.” AA members say this can happen at any time. Sometimes more than once. The step also speaks of “practicing these principles in all our affairs.”

   Ah so. There’s Pam Hemphill’s recovery program in a nutshell, in meaningful action and in public. Without mentioning any group by name. This is what AA means when it describes itself as a program of attraction, not promotion. 

     Hemphill also says she voted for Kamala Harris, which was definitely the sober thing to do.

By Bob Gaydos

    In this all-Trump-all-the-time news cycle we live in, it sometimes takes something dramatic to pull us up short and make us notice the rest of the world.

    Like death.

    Pete Rose died a couple of days ago. He was 83. Every baseball fan, I’m pretty sure, paused and said, “Too bad.” Or words to that effect.

    Too bad. There’s a compelling story contained in those two words. What kind of story depends on the reader.

   — “Too bad my kids didn’t get to see him play. He was the epitome of hustle. (His nickname was Charlie Hustle). One hundred ten per cent. Always. An all-star at five positions. And more hits than anyone else who ever played the game. The Hit King.”

   — “Too bad he had a gambling problem and bet on games involving his own team, the Cincinnati Reds, when he was their manager. That’s against baseball rules. That’s a big one, in fact. Shouldn’t have done that.”

   — “Too bad Major League Baseball banned him from all its activities, including the Hall of Fame, because of the gambling.”

    — “Too bad baseball couldn’t forgive, if not forget, after four decades, and let Rose be eligible for the Hall of Fame.”

    — “Too bad Rose, could never find it in his heart to give a sincere apology and say, ‘I’m sorry I did it.’ Instead, when he first addressed the issue he said, ‘I’m sorry it happened.’ No responsibility there. No humility there. But that was Rose. A couple of years ago, he sent a letter to Major League Baseball Commissioner Rob Manfred, saying in part, ‘I am writing today for three reasons. At my age I want to be 100% sure that you understand how much I mean it when I say that I’m sorry. Second, to ask for your forgiveness. And third, because I still think every day about what it would mean to be considered for the Hall of Fame.’”

    — “Too bad a young Pete Rose never addressed the fact that he was addicted to gambling. He bet on horse races, football, basketball, whatever, with bookies. Illegal. And he lost, which is the usual gambling story. Eventually, to try to make up for his losses, he bet on the sport he knew best, even though he knew it was forbidden. Because that’s what addicts do. They act irrationally and make self-defeating decisions. It’s a family-destroying disease. When Rose eventually fessed up, he said, he was sorry ‘it happened.’ No kidding. But it didn’t happen. He did it. This is classic addictive denial. Rose’s ego, which served him well on the ballfield, was his enemy when it came to his addiction. He couldn’t admit, and own, his flaw.”

     — “Too bad Major League Baseball, like all other professional sports, has now embraced legalized gambling as another major source of revenue, promoting it while barely paying lip service to the problem of gambling addiction in general and allowing players to gamble on other sports while still barring them from gambling on their sport. Hypocrisy.”

     Pete Rose is dead. Sad story. But that doesn’t have to be the end of it. Manfred has an out. To paraphrase Mel Brooks, “It’s good to be the commissioner.” Manfred can recognize one of the greats of the game and deliver a worthwhile message at the same time. Have a little humility. Yes, Rose was banned permanently from baseball, but almost nothing is forever. His story, all of it, belongs in the baseball museum. The commissioner can issue some kind of special decree acknowledging Rose as the all-time hits leader in baseball along with his other accomplishments and also explain that Rose’s gambling addiction, which went untreated, resulted in his necessary ban. It’s history. It’s fact. Find a suitable place for a display in Cooperstown in the National Baseball Hall of Fame and Museum.

    Give Rose the ball player his due and deliver a much-needed lesson on addiction for society at the same time. That’s what museums are supposed to do.

rjgaydos@gmail.com

By Bob Gaydos

    You know how sometimes there are things that happen, things people do, situations that occur that just stick in your craw?  Not just annoy or disturb or irritate, but really just stick there and bug the hell out of you? Well, I’ve got three of those right now. Didn’t realize it until I checked my notes looking for something to write about.

    — The top craw-sticker, not surprisingly, comes from Donald Trump.I’ve been trying to cough him up for eight years now. It has to do with his crudeness. The man is devoid of decency. He’s also a bully.

    The most recent examples of this are his insulting, illegal campaign photo op at Arlington National Cemetery and his public comments about his surprise opponent for the presidency, Kamala Harris.

      As has been well- documented, Trump’s staff not only bullied a female employee of the cemetery who tried to tell them that the national shrine to members of the armed forces was off-limits to political campaigning, Trump actually posed, smiling, next to graves with his stupid thumbs-up sign.

      Then he insulted the Army for calling him out and said the woman had mental problems. Then he said everyone lied about the whole thing, despite the photos. And he added insult to insult by blaming Joe Biden for the deaths being commemorated on that day, even though Trump created the conditions for their deaths when he was commander-in-chief.

    The other Trump craw sticker is his resort to personal insult, name-calling and just plain nastiness with regard to his opponent because he is too damn stupid to discuss any legitimate issue that might concern voters. 

     From The New York Times (surprisingly): “In a little over five weeks, in speeches, social media posts and interviews, Mr. Trump has called Ms. Harris a ‘wack job’; a ‘communist’; ‘dumb as a rock’; ‘real garbage’; ‘a bum’; and, employing a phrase he applies almost exclusively to women, ‘nasty.’ In early August, he reposted an image depicting Ms. Harris as a dung beetle with her face covered in what appears to be blackface while astride a coconut. And he has made or amplified innuendo-laden references to his opponent’s long-ago relationship with the former San Francisco mayor Willie Brown, suggesting she traded sexual favors to accelerate her political career.”

   The real craw sticker, of course, is not Trump. He can be spit out like all those phony schoolyard bullies. Full of fear and never read a book. No, the real problem is that so many Americans accept this kind of behavior as appropriate, not just for anyone, but to someone they want to see in the Oval Office. We are a nation crawling with dumb, racist bullies. I’m never going to get rid of this one.

    — This relatively new craw-stick comes courtesy of the Boeing Corporation and NASA. The space agency, when it put the extraterrestrial travel responsibility out to bid, chose Boeing as one of the contractors. Boeing, of course, has had a morbid history of just regular jet planes crashing and killing hundreds of people on Earth. It still has doors falling off planes in flight. 

     Yet NASA OK’d a Boeing Starliner to take two astronauts to the International Space Station, even after delays on the ground because of helium leaks. Well, they eventually got there. But NASA says it doesn’t trust Boeing to get the astronauts back to Earth on the Starliner because of, yes, leaks. And thruster problems.

   Sunita Williams and Butch Wilmore were supposed to spend eight days in space, but have been there three months now. Apparently, there’s plenty of work to do. But Williams is a cause for concern. In space, red blood cells are destroyed faster than on Earth. Hers are apparently being destroyed at a troubling rate. But not to worry, NASA says. (See above: Boeing leaks.)

   The astronauts are now scheduled to return to Earth in February, 2025, aboard Elon Musk’s Space X spacecraft. Two astronauts got bumped from that mission to make room for the stranded astronauts.

    Meanwhile, the Boeing Starliner capsule is scheduled to return, empty, on September 6. Fingers crossed at NASA on the landing.

      No word on when Boeing figures out its flying problems or what NASA has in mind for the company’s future space missions. Hello, Congress?

      — And finally, for lowdown abuse of trust and profiting off people in dire need of help, there’s this: Matthew Perry’s personal assistant, two doctors and two others, including a woman known as “the Ketamine queen” of North Hollywood, were indicted last month and charged with providing the ketamine that caused the death of the star of the popular television show, “Friends.” 

Personal assistant. Two damn doctors! Tens of thousands of dollars of overpriced ketamine for Perry, who had a long history with substance abuse and addiction. 

  Perry, who was 54, was discovered floating face down in a hot tub at his home in Los Angeles last October. The Los Angeles County medical examiner’s office said he died of “acute effects of ketamine.”

  Ketamine is an anesthetic used to induce and maintain anesthesia and is also used as a treatment for depression and to manage pain. Lots of reasons for people prone to addiction to want it and to abuse it. Perry’s assistant knew, the doctors knew and the others knew, too.

   The case against them is apparently so strong that the assistant (who injected the fatal dose) and a drug dealer who helped him procure the drug have already pleaded guilty to one count of conspiracy to distribute ketamine and one count of distribution of ketamine resulting in death. One of the doctors has reportedly also agreed to plead guilty to distribution of ketamine resulting in death and to surrender his medical license. He faces up to 10 years in prison.

  The other two have pleaded not guilty. Jasveen Sangha, who prosecutors said was known as “the Ketamine Queen,” and Dr. Salvador Plasencia, known as “Dr. P.” both saw Perry as a payday. She hobnobbed for years with Hollywood types who apparently knew her well. Plasencia sent a text to the other doctor saying, “Let’s see how much this moron will pay.”

      If there’s a Hell, I hope it has a special place for these people.

            *****

    There, glad I got that off my chest if not out of my craw.

Addiction and Recovery

By Bob Gaydos  

“No, thank you“ is an acceptable answer at holiday parties.

It’s time for the annual reminder. The holiday party season is always a potential source of bah humbug, what with the flu (and now Covid) potentially lurking around, but it is an especially treacherous time of year for people in early recovery from addiction.

People who have found their way to recovery, be it via a 12-step program or otherwise, have been given suggestions on how to survive the season of temptation without relapse. If they use these tools, with practice, they can even enjoy the season.

It’s the rest of you I’m mainly talking to here. You hosts, family members, well-meaning friends who want to be supportive and do the right thing, but aren’t sure what that is. And yes, to those who don’t get the concept of addiction at all, but can still avoid harming a relationship by following a few basic suggestions. So, herewith, some coping tools for the non-addicted, if you will:

• “No thank you” is a complete sentence and perfectly acceptable answer. It should not require any further explanation. “One drink won’t hurt you” is a dangerously ill-informed reply. The same goes for, “A few butter cookies won’t hurt. C’mon, it’s Christmas.” Or, “Get the dress, Put it on your credit card. You’ll feel better.” Not really.
• By the way, “No thank you” is an acceptable answer even for people not in recovery. Not everyone who turns down a second helping of stuffing or a piece of pumpkin pie is a member of Overeaters Anonymous. Not everyone who prefers a ginger ale rather than a beer is a member of AA. Not everyone who won’t go into hock for an expensive New Year’s Eve party is a compulsive debtor. But some of them may be.
•  If you’re hosting a party to which people in recovery have been invited, have some non-alcoholic beverages available. Not just water. There are plenty of new ones available. Don’t make a big deal about having them, just let your guests know they are available. The same goes for food. Have some appetizing low-calorie dishes and healthful desserts on hand. Don’t point out that they’re there because so-and-so is watching his weight. Just serve them. You’ll be surprised how many guests enjoy them and comment on what a good host you are.
• If you’re honestly concerned about how the person in recovery is doing, approach him or her privately. He or she might not feel comfortable discussing it in front of other guests. If you’re just curious, keep it to yourself.

Honoring a guest’s wishes is a sign of respect. Anticipating them in advance is even better. Encouraging someone to eat, drink or spend money when they don’t want to is, at the very least, not gracious. Pressuring someone to partake of something when you know he or she is trying hard to avoid it is a good way to lose a friend. Addictions are not trivial matters. “No, thank you,” is a perfectly good answer. Members of AA, OA and DA will be especially appreciative if you remember that. And maybe have a couple of spare masks around for guests who may feel a bit vulnerable.

Enjoy your party.

                                             ***

For recovering addicts, the tools should be familiar, but always bear repeating:

•  Bring a recovery friend to a party.
•  Have phone numbers and your own transportation available if you want to leave an uncomfortable situation.
•  If you’re uncomfortable about attending a party because of who will be there, be it family or friends who are not supportive, don’t go. Politely decline. 
•  Keep track of your drink. If you’re not sure, get a new one.
•  When shopping, deal in cash; forget about credit cards.
•  Don’t feel obliged to try every dish on the table. 
• And, again, “No, thank you,” is a complete sentence. Don’t worry about hurting your host’s feelings at the expense of your recovery. There’s always next year.

Enjoy your recovery.

For more information:

Alcoholics Anonymous: www.aa.org

Overeaters Anonymous: www.oa.org

rjgaydos@gmail.com

Addiction and Recovery

By Bob Gaydos
  I’ve written a column on addiction and recovery for more than a dozen years. A staple of this column has been a sort of  “word to the wise” on how to survive the holidays for those in recovery. It also serves as a guide to party hosts who may not be in recovery.

The past couple of years gave new meaning to “surviving the holidays,” but having moved into a new phase of dealing with Covid, parties are back in fashion. Still,  health precautions remain advisable. Covid, the flu and other viruses are a real threat.

The point of this column is that, whatever else is going on, this is always a treacherous time of year for people in early recovery from addiction. People who have found their way to recovery, be it via a 12-step program or otherwise, have been given suggestions on how to survive the season of temptation without relapse. If they use these tools, with practice, they can even enjoy the season.

It’s the rest of you I’m mainly talking to here. You hosts, family members, well-meaning friends who want to be supportive and do the right thing, but aren’t sure what that is. And yes, to those who don’t get the concept of addiction at all, but can still avoid harming a relationship by following a few basic suggestions.

So, some coping tools for the non-addicted host, if you will: “No thank you” is a complete sentence and perfectly acceptable answer. It should not require any further explanation. “One drink won’t hurt you” is a dangerously ill-informed reply. The same goes for, “A few butter cookies won’t hurt. C’mon, it’s Christmas.” Or, “Get the dress, Put it on your credit card. You’ll feel better.” Not really.

By the way, “No thank you” is an acceptable answer even for people not in recovery. Not everyone who turns down a second helping of stuffing or a piece of pumpkin pie is a member of Overeaters Anonymous. Not everyone who prefers a ginger ale rather than a beer is a member of AA. Not everyone who won’t go into hock for an expensive New Year’s Eve party is a compulsive debtor. But some of them may be.

If you’re hosting a party to which people in recovery have been invited, have some non-alcoholic beverages available. Not just water. Don’t make a big deal about having them, just let your guests know they are available. The same goes for food. Have some appetizing low-calorie dishes and healthful desserts on hand. Don’t point out that they’re there because so-and-so is watching his weight. Just serve them. You’ll be surprised how many guests enjoy them and comment on what a good host you are.

If you’re honestly concerned about how the person in recovery is doing, approach him or her privately. He or she might not feel comfortable discussing it in front of other guests. If you’re just curious, keep it to yourself.

Honoring a guest’s wishes is a sign of respect. Anticipating them in advance is even better. Encouraging someone to eat, drink or spend money when they don’t want to is, at the very least, not gracious. Pressuring someone to partake of something when you know he or she is trying hard to avoid it is a good way to lose a friend. Addictions are not trivial matters. “No, thank you,” is a perfectly good answer. Members of AA, OA and DA will be especially appreciative if you remember that.

And for those in recovery, remember to bring a phone with plenty of numbers and have a way to leave the party if you become too uncomfortable. There will be other parties, but there may not be another recovery.

Be smart and enjoy. Have a mask handy if need be. Enjoy your sobriety.

Happy holidays.

rjgaydos@gmail.com
Bob Gaydos is writer-in-residence at zestoforange.com.

By Bob Gaydos

A national marijuana policy is needed.

One trait of a good leader is the ability to identify an injustice and take action to rectify it.

With one stroke of his pen, President Joe Biden recently demonstrated how to use the power of his office to do just that. In the process, he also reminded Americans that a president’s primary duty is to act for the greater good of all the people rather than to constantly seek personal benefit. (A welcome reminder.)

   Biden’s pardon of more than 6,500 Americans convicted on federal marijuana possession charges was a dramatic statement of policy change and a welcome redress of past bias in enforcing drug laws. Coming out of the blue, as it did, it could also be a factor in the coming midterm elections.

    It’s a big deal.

    Even though none of those pardoned was still in prison, Biden’s pardon sent a message: It is well past time to revamp the nation’s laws regarding marijuana use on a national level and to redress the long-standing racial bias in enforcement of the laws. At a time when many states are taking action individually to legalize the use of marijuana, for recreational as well as medicinal purposes, the president’s action brought a welcome national focus to the issue. 

    “While white and black and brown people use marijuana at similar rates, black and brown people have been arrested, prosecuted and convicted at disproportionate rates,” Biden said. “Just as no one should be in a federal prison solely due to the possession of marijuana, no one should be in a local jail or state prison for that reason, either.”

    Of course, presidents don’t write laws; Congress and state legislatures do. Biden’s message was meant as a wakeup call to those bodies that a cohesive, national policy on marijuana is long overdue and makes much more sense than our current hodge-podge of state laws.

    Biden was unambiguous in what he thinks should be done. His words:

     “First: I’m pardoning all prior federal offenses of simple marijuana possession. There are thousands of people who were previously convicted of simple marijuana possession who may be denied employment, housing, or educational opportunities as a result. My pardon will remove this burden.

     “Second: I’m calling on governors to pardon simple state marijuana offenses. Just as no one should be in federal prison solely for possessing marijuana, no one should be in a local jail or state prison for that reason, either.

    “Third: We classify marijuana at the same level as heroin — and more seriously than fentanyl. It makes no sense. I’m asking Secretary (Xavier) Becerra (Health and Human Services) and the attorney general to initiate the process of reviewing how marijuana is scheduled under federal law.”

    Clear and concise.

    The so-called “war on drugs,” begun by President Richard Nixon in 1969, was, among other things, theoretically supposed to focus on “prevention of new addicts, and the rehabilitation of those who are addicted.” For the most part, that health-oriented focus has been ignored for half a century as the federal government fought a losing battle focused primarily on getting rid of drugs and locking up users (especially non-white marijuana users) as well as sellers.

    As Nixon’s henchman, John Ehrlichman, subsequently revealed, the real purpose of Nixon’s “war on drugs” was to criminalize blacks and hippies and their leaders. It was political.

    Now, more than a trillion dollars later, another president has issued a sensible call for a review of one of the more glaring failures of that misbegotten war. 

      Biden has done what he can do. It’s up to lawmakers  to write fair and honest laws regarding marijuana. A majority of Americans support this. While the lawmakers are at it, it’s also well past time to recognize drug addiction as a health issue, not a crime issue. Reducing the demand for drugs might prove to be a more effective strategy than simply trying to reduce the supply.

    Of course, this approach might put a crimp in some politicians’ campaign messages, but it would clearly be for the greater good of all the people.

rjgaydos@gmail.com

Bob Gaydos is writer-in-residence at zestoforange.com.