By Bob Gaydos

Trump as pope. SeriouslyPart of my morning routine, after tea and a friendly word game to get the brain cells active, is to scroll through my Facebook feed to get a handle on the news of the day.

Yeah, I check The Times, AP, etc. but for in-your-face-they-must-be-kidding stuff, Facebook gets it to me quicker and without the cautious prose of today’s major media. If You Know Who did something dumb, illegal or outright insane, I’ll know in a couple of minutes and from trusted sources.

Saturday was no exception. The hands down winner of the  “They-must-be-kidding, but-I-know-they’re-not” Award goes to the social media posting from the White House no less of Trump sitting on a throne dressed as the pope, crown and all. Seriously.

Disgusting. Crude. Callous. Ignorant. Egotistical. Obscene. Incredibly stupid. One hundred percent Trump. On the day Pope Francis was being laid to rest. After Trump having previously fallen asleep at the funeral service. An insult to every Catholic on the planet and a message to all Americans. Trump wants to be pope. Seriously.

The rest of the feed included what had to be the most obsequious cabinet meeting in history, as each member of the Trump team, seated around him with their red Maga hats on the table facing him, competed with each other to offer the most ingratiating, devoid of facts compliments to their leader, who was sitting self-satisfied in the middle. Pam Bondi and Marco Rubio duked it out for the coveted comfy knee cushion award. No one, apparently, was embarrassed, except for millions of Americans who saw this cult video and at first mistook it for a Monty Python movie.

There was also a post about, of course, Pete Hegseth installing a dressing room next to his office in the Pentagon, presumably so his eyeliner could be on straight when he has unprotected group chats on his phone with family and friends about U.S. military attacks in the Middle East. No Republican in Congress expressed any displeasure with the defense secretary spending taxpayer dollars in this manner. Because of course.

Then there was an item about RFK Junior, secretary of health, asking the Centers for Disease Control to look for some alternative treatments for measles because Kennedy believes the vaccine that has prevented the disease for  decades contains “aborted fetus debris” as well as “DNA particles” and doesn’t work. This, as the measles outbreak in the country reaches 900 cases as he bad mouths the vaccine. And, the man who says he once had a dead worm in his brain, also still insists that vaccines are causing autism and wants to conduct new testing on this theory even though it has been done and disproven.

Finally, one unrelated item on my feed informed me that May is mental health month.

Sign me up.

Pope Francis

By Bob Gaydos

  While millions of Americans marched to protest Trump policies on Saturday, millions more paused and prayed around the world on Easter Sunday, gathering with family and, perhaps, pondering the meaning of life.

   The weekend over, Monday brought some sad news and “Can you believe it?” news featuring familiar names.

    — Pope Francis died Monday of a cerebral stroke. The 88-year-old pontiff had recently been released from a hospital and had just avoided a meeting with J.D. Vance, the putative vice president, who apparently wanted to try to convince the pope on Easter weekend that the way America was treating immigrants was, well, what Jesus would do.

      Francis wasn’t buying it. An Argentinian, who in his 12 years as pope spoke out relentlessly in support of migrants and marginalized people, he altered the focus of the Catholic Church, not to the liking of many conservative Catholics, including bishops and cardinals. How that will affect the selection of a new pope is uncertain. There is no doubt, however, that his voice of courage, compassion and humility will not be easy to replace. And no, that’s not something that can be said about all popes. Francis asked that his tomb be inscribed simply with: “Franciscus.”

     — Homeland Security Director Kristi Noem, taking a break from posing as an ICE agent, took her family out for Easter dinner at a restaurant in downtown Washington, D.C. While she and her family were eating dinner, a thief stole her purse, which contained Noem’s driver’s license, medication, apartment keys, passport, DHS access badge, makeup bag, blank checks, and about $3,000 in cash.

    The Secret Service, which provides security for Noem, reviewed security camera footage at the Capital Burger restaurant and saw an unknown white male wearing a medical mask steal her bag. The key words here are “National Security Director” and “Secret Service.” Don’t you feel more secure? Noem said the cash was to pay for dinner and Easter gifts. Really? A burger restaurant? Easter dinner? Nobody’s watching her purse? You’re not in South Dakota anymore, Madam Secretary.

    — Pete Hegseth (yup, him again), was reported to have shared details of that surprise March 15 military strike against Houthis in Yemen on a second group chat on Signal, a group including his wife, brother and personal lawyer. The details were reportedly the same as those contained in another group chat on the same day over the same unsecure site. This group, unlike the first group, which was created by the White House security advisor and mistakenly included the editor of the Atlantic magazine, was created by Hegseth himself. In addition to his wife, it included about a dozen other people from his personal and professional inner circle in January, before his confirmation as defense secretary and was named “Defense | Team Huddle,” according to a report in The New York Times.

     The Defense Secretary reportedly used his private phone to set up the chat. No, his wife, a former producer for Fox News who has also accompanied Hegseth in meetings with foreign officials, does not work for the Defense Department. His brother and lawyer do, but not in jobs that require them to know about surprise attacks against Houthis in Yemen.

   Trump, of course, immediately attacked the source of the information. Not denying it, or expressing concern about a possible security leak that could jeopardize a military operation, just railing about leaks. However, there were some reports that Trump was wearying of mistakes by his fun-loving Defense Secretary. And Trump is well-known to be only too happy to tell those who cause him embarrassment or require him to do his actual job, “You’re fired.“ Hegseth’s career may soon be where he apparently likes it — on the rocks.

rjgaydos@gmail.com

By Bob Gaydos

Elise Stefanik … pondering her future

  Poor Elise Stefanik. She just got Trumpified out of the dream job of her young lifetime, the crowning glory if you will of all that scraping, bowing, butt-kissing, lying, conniving, scheming and surrendering of personal dignity required to become the Orange One’s nominee as Ambassador to the United Nations, and no one noticed because the rest of the Trump cabinet shared classified war plans on a private chat line that they are forbidden to use for such purposes and somehow managed to include a bonafide — as in ethical and trained — journalist on the chat, which has the Trump team all in distract, lie and point fingers mode because many average Americans can understand a breach of national security even when their Social Security office is closed and a lot of people want Trump to fire Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth even though Trump said he was told no classified information was included in the unsecure chat of the bombing of Yemen’s Houthis, which, it being a warlike act, one might expect the chief executive to be in on the action, and the group was caught with their collective pants down when the journalist, Jeffrey Goldberg, editor of The Atlantic magazine, followed up his original story on being mysteriously included on the chat by publishing the entire thread since Trump said it wasn’t classified, although having the sense to redact the name of an undercover CIA agent that Tulsi Gabbard, director of intelligence, happened to drop into the chat, although she couldn’t remember much of anything when members of Congress asked her about it, which was reminiscent of Trump’s response when he couldn’t remember signing an order citing an old wartime act to justify shipping a couple of hundred migrants, who may or may not be members of a Venezuelan gang, to a brutal prison in El Salvador, despite the order of a federal judge not to do so, said judge now serendipitously being the one also assigned to a case in which a private watchdog group, American Oversight, is accusing the Trump Administration of breaking the law, because all intergovernmental communications are required to be preserved, while the beauty of the Signal chat app the war group used is that it eventually deletes all conversations, making it hard to be held accountable, which is why, of course, the aforesaid judge has ordered all members of the chat to preserve everything on their phones and as he is already ticked at being given the runaround by Trump’s lawyers on the deportation matter, was in no mood for any more nonsense on a serious national security issue, which is why hardly anybody knows that poor Elise Stefanik of upstate New York, who did a victory tour of the Adirondacks and fired most of her congressional staff to become part of Trump’s cabinet, is now being told to be patient, go back to Congress even though you’ve lost your leadership position, be a good soldier  and run again for Congress in two years, because we are afraid that we can lose your seat, even though you and Trump carried the district easily, if somebody new runs for the Republican Party, and we only have a couple of seats to spare to control the House of Representatives and heck, you understand it’s all politics, and if we lose control in two years, we can’t do any of the neat crap we’ve been doing — firing people, threatening Greenland — and then you’ll probably never get to be UN ambassador anyway, so please and thank you, Elise.

                    ***

PS: You think it’s easy covering these people?

By Bob Gaydos

Pete Hegseth … taking the pledge

  If it swims like a fish, smells like a fish and drinks like a fish, you’ve got a drunken fish. Or, in this case, Pete Hegseth.

   The evidence is everywhere, starting with the fact that Donald Trump’s nominee for secretary of defense is running around apparently telling everyone that if he is confirmed as head of the most powerful military organization on the planet, he would stop drinking completely. He’s even telling people who didn’t ask him about his drinking. In fact, I’m not sure anyone asked him to stop drinking, but apparently he thinks it’s a good idea, if not a job requirement, for the secretary of defense to abstain completely from alcohol.

    Like an alcoholic. Which Hegseth apparently does not think he is because he told his colleague, Megyn Kelly, on TV, “It’s not hard for me because it’s not a problem for me.” He added: “This is the biggest deployment of my life, and there won’t be a drop of alcohol on my lips while I’m doing it.”

    Pete, Pete, Pete. Take a seat. First of all, if “it” is not a problem for you, then there’s no reason for you to abstain completely from drinking. I’m sure some secretaries of defense have had a glass of wine at some fancy dinner, someplace or other with no one raising an eyebrow.

      But if you’re swearing off, there must be some reason. Usually, that means a lot of other people have suggested or outright said you have a drinking problem.

    I’m not making this stuff up out of thin air, Pete. I’ve been writing a column about addiction and recovery for 17 years and I’ve interviewed literally dozens of members of Alcoholics Anonymous. They agree that people who don’t have a drinking problem (1) don’t accidentally wind up at AA meetings and (2) don’t feel the need to swear off drinking totally in order to get a good job or not get kicked out of the house or fired.

    Or, as The New Yorker reported, get carried to your room at a Memorial Day veterans event in Virginia Beach in 2014 because you were “totally sloshed.” Or,  had to be held back from joining female dancers on stage at a Louisiana strip club.

  Or go on the air to host a morning show on Fox TV smelling of alcohol, as colleagues reportedly complained.

   Or, as reported, be removed from leadership positions at two military veterans organizations amid allegations of financial mismanagement, inappropriate sexual behavior and, yes, drunkenness.

   I guess that’s why you’re promising to be abstinent if you’re put in charge of the Defense Department, Pete, a job for which, by the way, you are also clearly unqualified.    

    And, Pete, as long as we’re being honest here, there’s that painful note your mom sent you six years ago: “I have no respect for any man that belittles, lies, cheats, sleeps around and uses women for his own power and ego.

   “You are that man (and have been for years) and as your mother, it pains me and embarrasses me to say that, but it is the sad, sad truth. I…say… get some help and take an honest look at yourself.”

    That’s the kind of behavior which experience tells usually involves alcohol. 

    There’s no time like the present, Pete. Your mom is right. Get some help and take an honest look at yourself.

     You sound like a macho guy, Pete. Do yourself a favor. Find an AA meeting, walk in quietly and take a seat and listen. You don’t have to say anything. They don’t even want to know your last name. A lot of macho guys have told me it was the hardest thing they ever did.        

     And the best.

                   ***

    As long as we’re on the subject, in the past, I’ve posted several different questionnaires used to assess whether a person has a problem with alcohol. The shortest one is the AUDIT, offered by The World Health Organization and is the most widely used alcohol use assessment tool in the world.

      AUDIT stands for alcohol use disorders identification test. This test is for Pete and anyone else wondering about a drinking problem. As always, be honest for the best result.

The AUDIT questionnaire:

Please circle the answer that is correct for you

1. How often do you have a drink containing alcohol?

• Never
• Monthly or less
• 2-4 times a month
• 2-3 times a week
• 4 or more times a week

2. How many standard drinks containing alcohol do you have on a typical day when drinking?

• 1or2
• 3or4
• 5or6
• 7to9
• 10 or more

3. How often do you have six or more drinks on one occasion?

• Never
• Less than monthly
• Monthly
• Weekly
• Daily or almost daily

4. During the past year, how often have you found that you were not able to stop drinking once you had started?

• Never
• Less than monthly
• Monthly
• Weekly
• Daily or almost daily

5. During the past year, how often have you failed to do what was normally expected of you because of drinking?

• Never
• Less than monthly
• Monthly
• Weekly
• Daily or almost daily

6. During the past year, how often have you needed a drink in the morning to get yourself going after a heavy drinking session?

• Never
• Less than monthly
• Monthly
• Weekly
• Daily or almost daily

7. During the past year, how often have you had a feeling of guilt or remorse after drinking?

• Never
• Less than monthly
• Monthly
• Weekly
• Daily or almost daily

8. During the past year, have you been unable to remember what happened the night before because you had been drinking?

• Never
• Less than monthly
• Monthly
• Weekly
• Daily or almost daily

9. Have you or someone else been injured as a result of your drinking?

• No
• Yes, but not in the past year
• Yes, during the past year

10. Has a relative or friend, doctor or other health worker been concerned about your drinking or suggested you cut down?

• No
• Yes, but not in the past year
• Yes, during the past year

Scoring the AUDIT

   Scores for each question range from 0 to 4, with the first response for each question (eg never) scoring 0, the second (eg less than monthly) scoring 1, the third (eg monthly) scoring 2, the fourth (eg weekly) scoring 3, and the last response (eg. daily or almost daily) scoring 4. For questions 9 and 10, which only have three responses, the scoring is 0, 2 and 4.

    The range of possible scores is from 0 to 40, with 0 indicating an abstainer who has never had any problems from alcohol. A score of 1 to 7 suggests low-risk consumptions, according to World Health Organization (WHO) guidelines. Scores from 8 to 14 suggest hazardous or harmful alcohol consumption and a score of 15 or more indicates the likelihood of alcohol dependence (moderate-severe alcohol use disorder).

    If you’re concerned about your score, reread the above message to Pete. Again, be honest. And have a safe and sober holiday season.

By Bob Gaydos

Aaron Rodgers and Donald Trump, birds of a feather?

     Sometimes you can’t win for trying.

      If you’re a regular reader of my column (and thank you for that), you probably noticed I’ve taken a break from politics the last few posts. It was deliberate. A need to get centered and focused on what’s important in life before engaging, slowly, with the current … umm reality.

      But wouldn’t you know it, just as I decided it was time to tackle the litany of “in your face” spite appointments emanating from Mar-a-Lago, one of the most gratuitous Trump insults to the rule of law and the Constitution decided for himself (maybe) that there’s such a thing as being too cocky. Especially when there’s mounting evidence that you participated in a large sex trafficking ring, which apparently included an underage female and you also happen to be a member of Congress.

    Matt Gaetz will not be the next attorney general of the United States of America. He withdrew his name from consideration for the post, even though Republicans on the House Ethics Committee tried to keep him in the game by refusing to release their report on Gaetz’s activities.

      The stuff will all come out, but Gaetz, thankfully, is gone from Congress, having resigned soon after Trump named him as Attorney General pick. It was probably just a way to kill the report, but, also good news, too many Senate Republicans were having trouble swallowing Gaetz, even for their exalted leader. Checks and balances, anyone?

     So, good riddance to Gaetz and thank you for unintended consequences.

     This, of course, leaves a spoiled fish stew of other appointments and nominations announced by Team Trump to help run the country for four years without running it into bankruptcy or court, like virtually all other activities involving Trump.

       Bubbling to the top of this pot are worm brain, anti-vaxxer Robert F. Kennedy Jr., to be Health Secretary and TV crackpot Dr. Mehmet Oz to head Medicare and Medicaid.

  Close behind is Fox TV personality Pete Hegseth, as Defense Secretary, apparently because he once served in the military and stands accused of doping a woman’s drink to have sex with her (some call this rape), which refers back to the Gaetz qualifications for Trump’s Cabinet.

    Toss in a fracking company exec for Energy Secretary and a drill baby drill guy for Interior and you know where this is going. Lots of back-scratching and little concern for the future of the planet or the people.

      For now, also throw in a choice for Education Secretary who said she was a teacher, but wasn’t, but did run a professional wrestling business and donated millions to Trump’s campaign and a U.N. Ambassador who has no diplomatic experience but totally switched her political philosophy when Trump hijacked the GOP.

      It remains to be seen where Republicans in the Senate draw the line on Trump’s choices, if anywhere, but I’m hopeful that MAGA’s history of incompetence holds true and becomes evident to a lot more Americans.

     As a former sports editor, one of the things I turned to in my brief hiatus was the NFL season, such as it is in New York. If you want a non-political example of MAGA incompetence, take the New York Jets. Please, as Henny Youngman used to say.

      Their owner, Woody Johnson (Johnson & Johnson) is a big Trumper. He was rewarded with the ambassadorship to the United Kingdom in Trump’s first term and is looking for a repeat. Maybe he just wants to get out of town.

      Johnson thought he would improve his football team by insisting on paying big money to hire Aaron Rodgers, a 40-year-old quarterback who refused to be vaccinated against Covid, doubted the Sandy Hook School shootings and 9/11 attacks were truthfully reported and felt strongly both ways on abortion. He was critical of Trump, but questioned the results of the 2020 election and had the same Trumpian tendency to make stuff up. RFK Jr. considered Rodgers as a vice presidential running mate before jumping to Trump.

      Well, Jets fans know how that Rodgers decision worked out. In a disastrous season, Johnson fired the coach and general manager because, well, quarterback Rodgers may have shared some political views with Johnson, but he couldn’t connect often enough with his receivers. Out of touch and out of step. Time for a new quarterback. 

     If that’s a metaphor for MAGA, I hope all the rest of us USA fans can simply survive through a losing season and, like Jets fans, let ‘em know it’s time to draft a new quarterback.

      Heck, maybe everything is politics.