By Bob Gaydos

The Rapture

    The note on my phone consisted of just three words: “A reasonable Rapture.”

     They were the result of venturing out of the house and out of my own mind to have coffee with a friend. I think they call it a conversation.

      I’m often amazed at what comes out of my mouth when I leave my mind behind. But this, the more I looked at it, it started to make sense.

       What is a reasonable Rapture? I asked myself. Or, more accurately, what would a reasonable Rapture look like if there was ever to be one? Well, that certainly stirs the creative juices.

        The traditional view of the Rapture among some evangelical Christians is that Jesus will return to “catch up” living believers to meet him in the air, while dead believers will be resurrected to join him. The rest of us non-believers will be left behind to deal with the Tribulations.

        Most Christian denominations do not ascribe to this view and the term “Rapture” is not specifically mentioned in the Bible. However, many American evangelicals do believe in it and the concept has been the subject of several books and movies.

        So what would a reasonable Rapture be for me? Being a non-believer in this particular case, I start by assuming I’m part of the left behind crowd. The ones who discover empty clothes lying on the ground where their loved ones or nosy neighbors used to be. It could be a little freaky. No goodbye note, no text, just a pile of laundry.

        In my case, it would be reasonable to believe that my loved ones and a fair amount of my friends would also still be here, scratching their heads, wondering where all the other people went.

        Then, one of the more informed would remember seeing a social media post about some evangelicals who believed in something called the Rapture. Up in the sky. Goodbye. Someone else would remember reading the book or seeing the movie “Left Behind.”

        Well, OK then. Let’s see who’s still here. Seeing as the evangelicals who were believers were also big Trump fans, we could assume that a lot of the MAGA crowd were, uh, gone.

         That’s good. Stress level on the planet should fall by about 50%. That’s reasonable. But what about the Tribulations? Trump would still be around because, for all his kissing up to the evangelicals, everything about him is a big lie. No Rapture for him.

       But wouldn’t it be reasonable to assume that, with all his followers up in the sky flying to their just reward, he would be a cult leader without a cult? That should clear the way for impeachment proceedings in Congress, conviction, arrests on various felony charges, including those connected with the Epstein files, and humiliation on the world stage. Other than Stephen Miller, Pam Bondi, Kristi Noem and Pete Hegseth, who would care? 

    That would leave us with JD Vance as president, which is no prize, but still better than Trump. Vance has zero personality and, with most of MAGA gone, no real following. As someone who has shown he is more than willing to change his opinion and politics and résumé to save his career, he might be more than willing to do so to save his soul. Sounds reasonable and it would give him a great story for his second novel.

     Whatever, he would just be a short term fill-in while political leaders of both parties (but especially Republicans) in this country. start thinking about ways to work together again. I mean, wouldn’t that be a reasonable message from a Rapture?

     The ICE workers, most of whom would likely still be here, could be reassigned to going around the country and picking up all the laundry lying in the streets as part of their prison work release program.

     While we’re at it, those of us left behind might be shook up enough by the Rapture to look around and see other things that needed changing. Like maybe getting rid of the whole health insurance industry and creating Medicare for all in America. Caring more for each other. That seems like a reasonable reaction to a Rapture to me. Maybe a woman president, too.

     I don’t know; I’m still working on this. Have to make another date for coffee. It’s interesting what you can come up with when you apply reason to religion.

Trevor Noah has been banned.

By Bob Gaydos

     This is just a brief piece to fulfill my promise in my recent column on Banned Books Week to share any contributions readers had to add to the list. Also, to thank those loyal readers who responded with a new piece, since we all know that sometimes we just don’t get around to reading the comments at the bottom.

     So, Terry Schommer offers recent reads, “Born a Crime,” by TV host/comedian Trevor Noah, which some agency apparently had an issue with “anti-Catholic views” and “Autobiography of Malcolm X,” by Alex Haley and Malcolm X for controversial views on racism, violence and politics.

      Kristin Jensen offers “The Hate U Give,” by Angie Thomas, a 2017 novel inspired by police shooting of a young black man at a subway station in Oakland. It’s banned in several states. Florida’s reasoning: “There’s talk of an affair between two adults. Teens engage in heavy petting, talk about having sex and condoms. A teen girl is described as being on birth control, and there’s discussion of teen pregnancy and the assumption that a married couple is having sex when they go to their bedroom and turn the television up loud. A woman is revealed to be a sex worker.” Others cited “anti-police” messages.

      AnneMarie Schuetz offers “Nineteen Minutes,” by Jodi Picoult (banned because of an Iowa state law on sex acts) and the “Ender Wiggin” series by Orson Scott Card. (Depends on whom you talk to.)

     Tom Nalesnik notes “”Song of Solomon” has been banned, as does Linda Mangelsdorf, both also noting that means someone banned The Bible.

      Linda also offered a brief list of challenged books from the American Librarians Association: I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings (Maya Angelou), Of Mice and Men (Steinbeck), Beloved (Toni Morrison), My Sister’s Keeper (Jodi Picoult), The Kite Runner (Khalad Hosseini), Glass Castle (Jeanette Walls), Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood), Color Purple (Alice Walker) and Tango Makes 3 (Justin Richardson and Peter Parnell.)

    There you have it. Something old, something new to provide stimulating company in the coming chilly nights.

     Thank you all for your company.

rjgaydos@gmail.com