By Bob Gaydos

Michael Cohen
… back in the fold

     Natalie Harp. Karoline Leavitt. Michael Cohen.

      Do you catch my drift?

      If you have only a cursory familiarity with current events, those names in the news the past few days will probably cause you to stop and pause to connect the dots. Yeah. You got it. Just one dot.

      Trump.

     Make it two: A total lack of self-respect. It’s absolutely necessary to get ahead in MAGA World. 

      Until Sunday, the hands-down winner of the yucky, smarmiest display of “Anything else I can do for you, boss”? was Harp. Nicknamed the human printer. The attractive, blonde “human printer” who is always at his side. The attractive, blonde human printer, who refused to submit to a security clearance, oversees all Trump’s social media posts and carries a really big bag full of something or other wherever she and Trump go. Yes, the attractive blonde who resembles his daughter, Ivanka. That one. The blonde who jumped into the trunk of his car when she was told there was no room in the motorcade for her.

      Harp had usurped the title from Leavitt, the attractive blonde White House press secretary who has never found a lie too outrageous or too absurd to repeat for Trump, no insult too nasty to hurl at the press. Leavitt is leaving her high profile job at the White House, which she had quickly resumed despite just having given birth to a baby girl. The 

announcement of her departure came after Trump decided to use her as one of the decoys in the two-plane farce in Turkey, but took Harp with him by his side in the catering cart for the presumably “safe” plane. Leavitt stays on this list because she didn’t dump Trump, she joined some super Pac, MAGA Inc., where she previously served as spokesperson. What’s more, while she wants to “spend more time with family,” she says she plans to serve as a close, outside adviser and to join Trump at the Republican convention next month. Which could mean Trump will have attractive blonde bookends, er aides, on either side of him as he rambles through his speech.

      Nonetheless, after last Sunday, neither attractive blonde etc. can lay claim to being the smarmiest of them all. That title once again goes to Michael Cohen, the fixer. Not female or blonde, but a lawyer willing to lie, cheat and steal for Trump, go to prison for him, write a book bad-mouthing him and, after eight years, turn around and invite his “boss” on to his radio show for a full-length interview in which they mend fences and Cohen signs off by singing “Reunited.” Yucky.

      This to me confirms that, while Trump clearly appreciates the presence of attractive blonde sycophants, nothing comes closer to his heart, especially when the future looks threatening, than a lawyer without an ounce of self-respect and a whole-hearted willingness to ignore the law. (Think Roy Cohn, Rudy Giuliani and our current attorney general.) Cohen, who served three years in Otisville Correctional Facility, just down the road from where I’m typing this (much of it in solitary confinement at Trump’s order), says he puckered up because he’s concerned for his family’s safety.

       Oh yeah, he also resubmitted his bid for a federal pardon and he might be trying to get his law license back. And he surely knows what’s in the Epstein files

     If you catch my drift. 

By Bob Gaydos

Stormy’s tawdry Trump story.

   Perfect. Poetic. The dotard was hoist on his own, uh, petard.

   With all the many sins and crimes alleged about Donald Trump, ranging from attempting to steal an election, stealing classified documents, actually stealing an election, obstruction of justice, attempted extortion of a foreign leader, inciting a riot and attempting a coup, the one that finally gets him fingerprinted involves paying a porn star hush money so she wouldn’t spill the beans about his having sex with her just four months after his third wife, Melania, had given birth to their son, Barron, and seeing the porn star several more times.

    That one. The tawdry one. The basic, dumb Donald Trump one.

   Perfect.

   Don’t get me wrong, the other stuff is serious. But Trump appears to be constitutionally oblivious to the magnitude of those other crimes. He has displayed no concept of loyalty, patriotism, honor, duty or responsibility, except as others apply those moral concepts towards him. Honesty is a foreign concept.

    But getting arrested because a porn star tried to shake him down and he had his lawyer pay her off to keep her mouth shut so he could steal an election and get to live in the White House? That’s a made-for-TV movie. That, Trump gets. It’s his entire life in a mini-series. Sex. Betrayal. Borrowed money. Lies. It suits him like a tabloid headline.

   Even the, umm, adult film star, Stormy Daniels (real name Stephanie Clifford), recognizes the difference between her case and the handful of other investigations involving Trump.

    “It’s vindication,” she said in a recent interview. “But it’s bittersweet. He’s done so much worse that he should have been taken down [for] before.”

     The vindication she claims may refer to her allegation that Trump promised to get her a spot on his hit TV show, “The Apprentice,” because she was “amazing,” and, in true Trump fashion, never delivered. 

      Also to the fact that Trump’s buddy, David Pecker, publisher of The National Enquirer, paid her for her story on Trump and then killed it as a favor to Trump. And that Trump also denies the affair.

     The squashed story and the payoff to Daniels by then Trump lawyer Michael Cohen were intended to keep the story from hurting Trump’s campaign for president in 2016, and are the basis for the case against Trump by Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg. A campaign finance violation.

   Cohen served a term in the Federal Correctional Facility in Otisville after pleading guilty for his part in the payoff. He’s a key witness against Trump in this case.

    The other grand jury investigations into more serious allegations against Trump, ironically, seem to have more direct lines to proving his guilt than Bragg’s, which is considered to be a difficult case to prove in court.

    But Bragg’s is the first and that makes it important as well as historic. It may well motivate other prosecutors who now don’t need to worry about being the first to bring charges against a former president.

    And it may help Americans pitted against each other get used to seeing the man who promoted and profited from the rift for what he has always been: A cheating, lying, self-serving, hypocrite who always looks for someone else to pay for his crimes.

      Daniels, who could be considered an expert witness, says that at their first sexual encounter in his hotel room in Nevada, she felt compelled to say to Trump, “Please, don’t offer to pay me.”

      She knew tawdry when she saw it.

rjgaydos@gmail.com

 Bob Gaydos is writer-in-residence at zestoforange.com.

THE REPORT … mowers, mail, movies and moving Michael Cohen

April 20, 2020

Bob Gaydos

    So the lawn guy showed up unannounced and unsummoned today to a great deal of running about, barking and general enthusiasm. The dogs were excited, too. Went out to greet him at appropriate social distance. “You mowing?” I asked. “We’re essential!” He answered. “Heard last week. That Cuomo’s a tough cookie.” Yes, he is. Thankful for that. By the way, the grass is now neat and manageable for walking about and tending to business. The dogs are excited about that as well. Grateful to have a lawn guy.

  —  By the way … Michael Cohen, we hardly knew ya and now you’re about to leave us? The onetime lawyer/fixer for Hewhosenameshallnotbespokenhere has been residing at a minimum security federal prison camp in Otisville, about a 10-minute drive down the road from us. But if Cohen comes through a two-week quarantine in a medium security penitentiary next door, he’ll be going home to finish out his three-year sentence. He can thank COVID-19. Since social distancing is a major challenge in prison, some federal inmates are being switched to home confinement. Also, Orange County, where Otisville is located, had 211 confirmed virus-related deaths at this posting. My first reaction to the Cohen news was that somebody cut him a break. But then I remembered he cut a deal with the feds to get a lighter sentence on campaign fraud and lying to the FBI about hush money paid for Hewho… so Hewho wouldn’t likely make a call for Cohen. Looks like the system just did its job. Go figure.

   — By the way … We’re doing our part to burnish the reputation of Netflix and Amazon Prime during this period of isolation. Recent viewing includes “The Danish Girl, “The Coldest Game” and “The Ladies in Lavender.” Each is a little quirky, but time-passable with some good performances. Any suggestions, please feel free in the comment section.

    — By the way … If the post office is worried about losing $2 billion a

Forget the rain, snow, etc., the Post Office needs cash.

month because of the pandemic and Republicans in Congress won’t bail it out, why doesn’t Jeff Bezos just sign a month-to-month contract with the USPS to make up the difference? He could do it out of his pocket change and not even touch his Amazon stock. It would actually be a patriotic thing to do.

  —  By the way … a report just issued by the Republican-led Senate Intelligence Committee confirmed that the 2017 assessment by U.S. intelligence agencies that Russia covertly meddled in the 2016 presidential election, with the ultimate goal of helping Hewhoshallnotbenamed win, was accurate. Big surprise only in that Republicans admitted it.

   —  And finally, by the way … if there was any doubt left of the utter lack of basic decency in today’s GOP, I give you Dan Patrick, lieutenant governor of the great state of Texas, which is starting to reopen its economy despite warnings from medical experts that it’s too soon and spreading the virus could result in deaths. Says Patrick: “There are more important things than living and that’s saving this country.” No plan. No leadership. No concern or compassion. Nothing. Texas is no country for old men or women.

Bob Gaydos is writer-in-residence at zestoforange.com.

rjgaydos@gmail.com