By Bob Gaydos

Susie Wiles
… the enabler

     Donald Trump has “an alcoholic’s personality.”

      Who says so? The woman who should know. The woman who runs his household, makes sure he looks ready for the day ahead and structures her own life around his anger, insecurities and alcoholic unpredictability.  The one who manages the unmanageability.

      Susie Wiles. His enabler.

      When I read that Wiles, Trump’s chief of staff, had given a Vanity Fair writer 11 months of remarkably honest conversations about what Trump is like, how he thinks and operates, warts and all, I was stunned. What the heck is she doing? I wondered. She knows Trump. You can’t tell the truth about him without paying the price. And she knows Vanity Fair is going to report the truth. This is political suicide.

      After sleeping on it, I came up with another explanation. She knows better. She’s not Rudy Giuliani (who also has an alcoholic’s personality), standing in front of Four Seasons Landscaping garage instead of The Four Seasons Hotel in Philadelphia, arguing that Trump was robbed in the 2020 presidential election.

      It’s not political suicide. It’s a warning shot and the first stage of an escape. The enabler went to Al Anon.

      Now, I don’t know if Wiles actually ever attended meetings of Al-Anon, a 12-step group for people whose lives have been significantly impacted by the drinking and alcoholic behavior of someone close to them. But, as Wiles disclosed, her father was Pat Summerall, who played football for the New York Giants, was a popular sportscaster and, by the way, was an alcoholic who eventually managed to have 20 years of recovery.

     She was certainly a candidate for Al Anon. If she went to meetings, she would’ve learned that she didn’t cause the alcoholic’s behavior, can’t control it and certainly can’t cure it. What she can do is focus on herself and her own well-being, set boundaries and support the alcoholic — without enabling him.

       Wiles may have gotten to the point where, knowing that Trump is not about to change – in fact, appears to be getting worse – that her own self-interest would be best served by getting out of Dodge. Honey, I’m outta here.

       And honey, by the way, I know a bunch of your secrets and a bunch of good lawyers, so please don’t try to stop me or hurt me.

      Of course, in Wiles’ case, she has not been an innocent victim, along for the ride because she had no choice. She had a choice. She said yes to Trump. She knows where the bodies are buried. Like Haldeman for Nixon, she’s seen the enemies list. She bears responsibility, as a primary enabler, for much of the pain Trump has caused other people

      She knows what he’s been doing and has helped him each step of the way, one day at a time. Her  charge that the article was a hit job and claims of trying to persuade Trump away from exacting political revenge ring hollow.

      But spilling the beans and your guts on Trump without having an exit plan makes no sense. If you can’t detach with love, then do it with confidence and a landing pad. Having “White House chief of staff” on your résumé doesn’t hurt.

    So, it doesn’t look like Trump‘s going to rehab. Actually, he doesn’t even drink. That leaves assisted living at Mar-a-Lago or prison. Maybe Wiles sees this happening sooner rather than later and is packing her bags.  She’ll probably write a book. 

    In any event, if my guess is correct and Wiles is planning her escape from the unmanageability of Trump’s “alcoholic” behavior, she might do well to take a look at some of the other steps in the Al Anon program. The ones about taking a fearless personal inventory of her shortcomings, making amends to people she has harmed, promptly admitting when she is wrong and, having had a “spiritual awakening,“ practicing these principles in all her affairs.

      Her father, who went to the Betty Ford Clinic and then attended Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, spoke openly about practicing those principles.

      Honesty is the first principle of all 12-step programs. I applaud anyone in Trump‘s inner circle being publicly honest about him. It’s rare these days. But it sure would be nice if one of them also took responsibility for their part in enabling the insanity.

      That would be Step Four, Susie.

***

(Bob Gaydos has written a column on addiction and recovery for nearly 20 years.)     

By Bob Gaydos 

Rob Reiner
… he will be missed

    Why in the hell is he talking?

     Excuse me, texting. Same thing. Same nonsense. Same hate. Same self-serving glorification at the pain of others. Yeah, Trump.

     I’ve been writing a column on addiction and recovery for nearly two decades. It was a monthly feature of the local paper when the local paper used to have regular features. A major component of the column was information gleaned from people involved in 12-Step recovery programs.

     These programs are noted for, among other things, having acronyms for just about anything. FEAR. Face everything and recover. KISS. Keep it simple, stupid. SLIP. Sobriety losing its priority. They make it easier to remember the goal.

    There is one that was passed along to me by a couple of local members of Al-Anon, a group for those affected by someone else’s alcoholism, that I have found useful: WAIT. Why am I talking?

    Basically, it’s a message to oneself that no one needs to hear what you have to say at the moment and it is probably only going to make things worse. I think it goes by STFU on social media. The polite way to say it is, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Tough to acronym that.

    So, back to Trump. No, he never learned such lessons about empathy or decency or simple, appropriate behavior. Every occasion is an opportunity to either glorify himself or inflict pain on others. Preferably, both.

    The murder of Rob Reiner and his wife, Michele, offered the latter. Reiner was a popular actor (“Meathead” on the “All in the Family” TV show) and much admired film director (“Stand by Me”, “When Harry Met Sally”). He and his wife were discovered stabbed to death in their home. One of their sons is being held for the killings. It can’t get any more horrible for those who loved and admired them.

    Reiner also happened to be an outspoken critic, a strong and constant voice, warning of the perils of a Trump presidency. To Trump, he was an enemy.

     So, some time in the night Sunday or early Monday, he spouted his tribute, as the person occupying the Oval Office, to a much loved, admired and respected American public figure:

   “A very sad thing happened last night in Hollywood. Rob Reiner, a tortured and struggling, but once very talented movie director and comedy star, has passed away, together with his wife, Michele, reportedly due to the anger he caused others through his massive, unyielding, and incurable affliction with a mind crippling disease known as TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME, sometimes referred to as TDS. He was known to have driven people CRAZY by his raging obsession of President Donald J. Trump, with his obvious paranoia reaching new heights as the Trump Administration surpassed all goals and expectations of greatness, and with the Golden Age of America upon us, perhaps like never before. May Rob and Michele rest in peace!”

    Pathetic. Spiteful. Childish. Hateful. Trump. Why is he talking? Because he has to. It’s his addiction. It’s all he knows.

     But this is really old news about Trump and my gripe here, as it has been for some nine years, is with virtually every elected Republican official in the United States of America: Why do they put up with this excrement?

      That is, why aren’t they talking? Why have they allowed themselves to be defined by such an insecure, hateful shell of a human being. Why have they allowed him to try to destroy this country one day at a time?

   It’s as if they’re still all standing out in the corner of the school yard with the stupid rich kid, who has all the pot and beer and money and a lot of equally stupid “friends“ who will follow you home from school if you even suggest something negative about their rich friend.

    And yes, my gripe is also with the millions of Americans who don’t bother to vote because “it doesn’t matter” and who’ve gone about their lives as if the daily destruction of their country is no business of theirs. Why aren’t they talking?

    “Silence in the face of authoritarianism is complicity. Speaking out is a patriotic act. Democracy doesn’t defend itself. It requires participation, vigilance and courage from ordinary people.“

     Rob Reiner, patriot, actor, director and decent human being, said that. For his contributions to our lives, he will be missed.

    That’s why I’m talking.

    Hillary and Donald
  … heads of the families

By Bob Gaydos

The week began with Donald Trump making inane remarks about always wanting a Purple Heart and arguing with a crying baby. It ended with the Olympics opening to a samba beat in corruption-plagued Brazil. But something else has been rattling around in my brain and I finally figured it out.

For the past decade, the two subjects I have written about more than any others are politics and addiction. While each has its own niche and relevance in the world, I always knew there would come a time when the two merged seamlessly into one. I just didn’t think it would take the most tawdry, depressing, insulting, downright embarrassing presidential campaign in my lifetime for it to happen.

But here we are, my fellow Americans, three months away from having to choose between two of the most disliked candidates in our nation’s history to be the most powerful person on the planet. In 12-step program language: We have become powerless over our political process and our lives are becoming increasingly unmanageable.

At first, I thought this was just a problem for Republicans, many of whom are faced with trying to figure out how to detach from their utterly unmanageable presidential candidate, Donald Trump. Al-Anon, a 12-step program for families and friends of alcoholics, talks of trying to detach from the alcoholic or addict with love. Love the addict, hate the disease, is the rationale.

However, the group’s members also acknowledge that sometimes it is necessary — for self-preservation — to “detach with an ax.” A few members of the Republican family have done so with Trump and more are in the process of getting up the courage to do so.

More on this in a bit.

What finally alerted me to the dual dysfunction of our presidential campaign — my moment of political clarity, if you will — was the FBI deciding not to recommend criminal charges against Hillary Clinton, the Democratic presidential candidate, for her use of a private e-mail server while she was secretary of state.

But they cleared her, you say.  Yes, they did. No crime was committed, they say. But they also said she and her staff were incredibly careless and she showed poor judgment in creating this system, which could have compromised classified information. The FBI and State Department both said it did not, but what struck me was Clinton’s need to ignore established — secure — protocol and install a system over which she, at least theoretically, had total control.

This, I recalled, was not new behavior for Clinton. Her political campaigns — for the U.S. Senate in New York and for president — are famous for her efforts to strictly control and limit all interactions with the news media as well as to carefully manage her public appearances. Not too much mingling.

It’s almost as if, when she feels she is in total control of the situation, she feels comfortable, but if she is not, well, who knows what might happen? There is no trust

Why would any intelligent, capable, successful woman have trust issues?

How about a husband who was a serial philanderer? A successful, charming husband who cheated and lied and paid no serious consequences for his actions, no less. This could prompt some controlling, seemingly arrogant, behavior in anyone who opted not to detach, with love or an ax.

Hillary stayed with Bill and today she is the center of attention. He remains visible and is still respected by many, but obviously is no longer a threat to her peace of mind. He may simply have aged out of the erratic behavior. That happens a lot in dysfunctional families. The “non-problem” spouse no longer has to devote all her energies to making things appear to be normal at home; she really is running things.

So when the “kids” in the Democratic family – the Bernie Sanders progressives — started demanding that things have to change at home, she was able to at least listen. Whether she is able, or willing, to make those changes, however, remains to be seen.

It also remains to be seen if she can let down those protective walls and show voters a more human side. To continue the arms-length behavior only breeds distrust among people she’s also asking to like her well enough to give her their vote. It’s foolishly self-defeating behavior for a politician.

If Hillary can recognize that shortcoming and if she can grasp that, as head of the family now, she can let up on some of those reins of control and trust others to help her make decisions, and if she can learn to trust herself in non-choreographed situations, life in the Democratic household will be much more serene. Her life will be more serene.

If she cannot, Bill will still be around, but those Sanders kids are likely to leave home, even if it’s a beautiful, white mansion in Washington, D.C.

For Republicans, the situation is starkly different. Daddy Donald has gone off the rails. He listens to no one, says whatever comes into his mind, insults his allies and attacks anyone who isn’t nice (deferential?) to him. His addiction is the constant need for praise. Where is the next applause line coming from? His erratic behavior is not confined to the home either, but rather is out there for the whole world to see. His buddies in the bar love his one-liners. They think he’s a genius. “Hey, Donnie, you oughta go into politics.”

For the family back at home, it is beyond embarrassing.

As  Al-Anon teaches, those who stay with the addicted individual too long can wind up even sicker than the addict. Today’s Republican Party offers ample evidence of that as party leaders on the one hand condemn whatever bigoted, misogynistic, hateful, utterly stupid thing Trump has said that day and on the other hand continue to support him as head of the family. Shhh, don’t make daddy mad.

Rehab is out of the question. Trump listens to no one. The only healthy way out is to remove the addict from the house, or, as appears to be the situation here, to leave him and set up a new house.

That takes courage and, so far, few Republican leaders — indeed few of the rank-and-file — have shown any willingness to do this. Denial is a killer. Inevitably, the detachment must happen if the family is to survive. How much more suffering the Republican family must endure is up to them.

… And so it went.

rjgaydos@gmail.com