By Bob Gaydos

Champs!

    When there’s really too much news going on (which now is almost every day), I turn to the approach of one of my  favorite sports columnists in my early years. Jimmy Cannon had opinions on more than balls and strikes. So…

     — Maybe it’s just me, but: The devil is in the details. The so-called memorandum of understanding between the U.S. and Iran allows Iran to enrich virtually everything (it gets hundreds of billions of dollars) but uranium, which it had already agreed not to do in a deal brokered by Barack Obama that was torn up by Trump in his first term. It also requires Israel to agree to stop hostilities, notably against Lebanon, a requirement that may prove hard to enforce since Trump started the illegal war against Iran at the prompting of Israeli PM Bibi Netanyahu, who shows no signs of wanting to end his military campaigns and face charges of corruption in Israeli courts. Sound familiar? A typical Trump “win.”

      — Maybe it’s just me, but: Kash Patel is pathetic. The make-believe director of the FBI proudly announced the bureau’s avoidance of a potentially deadly attack with the arrest of a group of anti-MAGA young men who planned to attack Trump’s birthday party brawl on the White House lawn. Turns out the suspects were actually disenchanted MAGA creeps who didn’t trust the government (ironically) and thought it was covering up the Epstein files story. It also turns out the suspects were turned in by the parents of one of them and were arrested by the Secret Service before the June 14 event, so no one was in danger.

     — Maybe it’s just me, but: More on Ka$h. He’s so out of his league, he’s reportedly paying his security detail an extra $4,000 a week apiece (unauthorized) not to tell the media that he drinks on the job, often doesn’t wake up for work and really has no clue what he’s doing. Somehow, we’re finding out anyway. If he were a woman, Trump would have fired him by now.

    — Maybe it’s just me, but: Trump continues to display cognitive decline, including at the G7 talks, where he was perpetually out of touch with what was going on. To him, it’s just one continuous con job. The other world leaders present were mostly polite, but could not help but notice Trump’s disconnect. It is a national embarrassment for the U.S. and a potentially dangerous one. I repeat, again: This falls on the Republican Party, which has the power within its hands every day to remove him from office and replace him with someone who is at least mentally capable to deal with the demands of the job. All it needs is the moral fortitude to do it.

      — Maybe it’s just me, but: Jimmy wouldn’t let me finish without congratulating the New York Knicks for winning the NBA championship, despite Trump. Also, congrats to the current champs on rejecting the Trump invitation to have Big Macs in the White House in favor of a ride in the Canyon of Champions in NYC. Well done.

      — Maybe it’s just me, but: Sometimes patience is rewarded. On a personal note, fifty-three years ago, I got to watch the Reed, Bradley, DeBuscherre, Frazier, Monroe, Barnett, Lucas, Meminger, Bibby, Jackson group that won the last team title. Nice seat in the Garden press box during a brief stint as a sports editor. Gotta remember the good times when the other stuff piles up.

                                     — 30 — 

By Bob Gaydos

    Let’s add party pooper (any way you want to take it) to the list of dubious attributes Donald Trump possesses. In the social consciousness area of not knowing when he’s not wanted and insisting on going where he’s not wanted, he’s clueless. In fact, he appears not to give a damn what the other partygoers think.

     So, Trump is going to New York City Monday night to crash the best garden party the city has known for decades and in the process create a lot of confusion and resentment.

     The New York Knicks are hosting the San Antonio Spurs at Madison Square Garden Monday night for game three of the National Basketball Association championship. The Knicks have won the first two games. The city is energized. It hasn’t had an NBA championship for decades and happy fans who can’t afford the pricey tickets have been celebrating outside Madison Square Garden, watching on a big screen, all season.

       They were there when the Knicks won the first game and it got a bit rowdy. People, including police, were injured. The city first said it would cancel the watch party, but relented.

       Then Trump said he was going, even though he didn’t have a ticket (which isn’t cheap), wasn’t invited and a lot of fans would probably boo him. No bother. He’s going.

       So the city again canceled the outdoor watch party because of serious security concerns with Trump and his entourage in midtown Manhattan. His presence will also make it more cumbersome and slow for ticket holders to get into the game. They are advised to arrive at least two hours before game time for security checks. Oh, and no purses, backpacks or tote bags allowed.

        All because Trump wants to soak in the adoration and glory of others’ accomplishments, thus draining the joy out of Knicks’ fans anticipation of a long-awaited championship. Talk about resentment.There will be boos.

     The truth is, Trump’s such a party pooper that when he announced his own party for June 24 to help celebrate America’s 250th Birthday, virtually all the announced B-list performers said they wouldn’t go because, well, for one thing, no one asked them about performing. Others said they didn’t like Trump. Others said they didn’t like the bad publicity attached to the so-called great American State Fair. Undeterred, Trump says he’ll be the entertainment. 

    He also appointed a group of supplicants to plan America’s 250th birthday party next month, replacing the official party planning group and the results are likely to be similar to the state fair fiasco. Dull, boring and a major disappointment to millions of Americans. And he trashed the White House Lawn for a fighting exhibition June 14, his birthday. Used to be Flag Day, a day of respect. He says he might just leave the ring there. 

     We deserve better.

     I keep hoping for better. In fact, the other day that young black squirrel I wrote about last year that was maybe moving into our neighborhood showed up again. Well, hello, neighbor. As I have noted, this one in 10,000 variety of squirrels is regarded in various cultures as a wise, noble, magic symbol of good fortune and good luck. 

    So far that luck has eluded me. Following my first sighting, Trump got elected. But the black squirrel, a persistent nut gatherer, keeps showing up. So I’m thinking maybe the young squirrel needed to grow into its magic powers. Like right about now. Maybe it can figure out a way to disinvite the party pooper permanently so that America can celebrate its 250th birthday party and more with dignity and gratitude. I don’t think it’s too much to ask.

      If it happens, I’d be happy to supply all the nuts any squirrel could desire for the 251st.

By Bob Gaydos

Shohei Ohtani
… a unique ballplayer

• Four … uh make that five, umm I mean six no-hitters in a month and a half of baseball.  
• A pitcher kept in the game for his bat after pitching seven sterling innings. In the American League, no less.
• That same pitcher leading the major leagues in home runs.
• Future Hall of Famer Albert Pujols is released. Why’d he pick LA over the Bronx?
• Kentucky Derby winner fails drug test. The horse, that is. 
• The New York Knicks — the New York Knicks! — make the playoffs.
• The New York Rangers fire everybody.
• The Ghost of Jimmy Cannon to the rescue.

      As I slogged through the daily ritual of Republican lies and conspiracy theories that make up news reports these days, my eye kept catching a glimpse of other stories that were actual news, interesting, worth noting, especially for a former sports editor. Can I take a (much-needed) break from politics, I wondered. A few readers said go for it

     Then Jimmy Cannon popped up in the middle of a Woody Allen movie I’d never heard of. Well, not Jimmy Cannon himself, but a reference to him. In the middle of a scene in which two young brothers are discussing great writers, the younger brother says, “What about Cannon?“

       What about Cannon? I said, as my ears perked up. I knew instantly. It was my muse telling me in its own subtle way to do the damn sports column, forget politics for a day. Do a Jimmy Cannon style column.

        For those under 60, Jimmy Cannon was a sports columnist for the Journal-American in New York City. His trademark column (and the title of his book) was “Nobody Asked Me, But…“ This device allowed Cannon to write about anything he felt like writing about, including non-sports stories. He could knock off a bunch of topics in one column. I’ve stolen the approach a few times, using my own words, as a salute to the late sports writer.

        So,

• Maybe it’s just me, but …: Six no hitters in less than two months of baseball may say more about the caliber of hitters than the caliber of pitchers. In this era of smash ball, batting averages are down, strikeouts are up and nobody knows the hit-and-run sign. Full disclosure, when I started writing this column there were only four no hitters in baseball. Overnight, a pitcher named Spencer Turnbull through a no-hitter for the Detroit Tigers against the Seattle Mariners. Turnbull let the majors in losses a couple of years ago. For the Mariners, it was the second time in two weeks to go an entire game without getting a hit. The Cleveland Indians have also been no-hit twice this year. Foolishly, I didn’t finish the column and the Yankees’ Corey Kluber threw a no-hitter that night against the Detroit Tigers. Just for good measure, Arizona’s Madison Bumgarner actually threw a complete game no-hitter against the Atlanta Braves as well, but it won’t count officially as a no-hitter. That’s because it came in the second game of a doubleheader, which MLB now has shortened to seven-inning games. The game is official, but the no-hitter isn’t. Figure that one out. Anyway, my takeaway is that, while yes, a lot of pitchers are throwing harder, all the bashers in baseball are more concerned with the speed with which their home runs will be leaving the ballpark and less focused on actually hitting the ball more often. The record for most no hitters in a season is eight. We should hit that by June.
• In this case, I think it’s not just me…: Shohei Ohtani is the most incredible player in baseball today. If he keeps it up, maybe of all time. That’s saying a lot, but the Los Angeles Angels star is doing a lot. Start with the fact that he’s a starting pitcher who is leading baseball in home runs hit (14), not allowed, this season. He has batted second in the lineup in a game in which he was the starting pitcher, something that hasn’t happened in more than a century in baseball. And forget that four days rest between starts – he has also been the leadoff batter in the lineup, as the DH, a day after being a starting pitcher. Again, more than a century since that’s happened. He recently pitched seven innings, striking out 10 batters and then was moved to right field for the rest of the game to keep his bat in the lineup. He’s batting .273, with 33 RBIs. He has also started six games on the mound and has a 1-0 record with a 2.37 ERA. He throws right-handed (and can top 100 mph) and hits left-handed. They call him Sho Time. If he keeps it up they may also call him MVP.
• This column is already getting way too long. Let’s wrap it all up here. Maybe it’s just me, but… : Albert Pujols could’ve been a DH in the Bronx, but his personality is better suited to LA. … How do they let a Kentucky Derby winner taken down for failing a drug test, run in the Preakness two weeks later? By the way, he was beaten soundly in the Preakness. Just sayin’ ,,  The Knicks did something smart in signing Derrick Rose. Derrick Rose did something smart in signing with the playoff-bound Knicks. … James Dolan doesn’t like it when things are too quiet at Madison Square Garden, so firing all the Rangers’ bosses probably made sense to him. I actually forgot they were still playing hockey. 
• Maybe it’s just me, but …: I’d love to see Ohtani pitch a no-hitter and win the game with a walk-off home run in the ninth-inning.

      OK, I feel better. That’s it on sports until next time.

(PS: The Woody Allen movie was “A Rainy Day in New York.“ It was like something he jotted down on notecards while waiting in his therapist’s outer office. A bit of a memoir, if you will. Allen-lite, but with all the usual Manhattan atmospherics . and great musical accompaniment. Maybe it’s just me, but maybe he just needed a paycheck.)

rjgaydos@gmail.com

Bob Gaydos is writer-in-residence at zestoforange.com.