Rhyme of the Addled Mariner
By Bob Gaydos
Map of Greenland and Iceland.
Captain, oh Captain! To the helm hurry thee!
‘Tis land ahead and large that we see!
“Huff, puff, wheeze and whew
At the helm, thank you.
Is that Greenland I see? Praise the lord! Glory be!
All hands on deck! Prepare
to set it free.”
Umm, captain, my captain, ‘tis Iceland dead ahead.
Those were our orders, as you said.
“Iceland! Greenland! Abi gezunt!
As long as we’re (hack … wheeze) healthy,
one island’s just as good as another. Full ahead!”
But Captain, they’re free, as is Greenland to be sure.
They likely won’t welcome our ships on their shore.
“No matter, we’ll lower their tariffs and promise
them chips. They’ll gladly welcome (huff, puff) our ships.
Our moguls are angry, the market took a dip
all because of Iceland. Is that a Coke?
Give me a sip.”
“Look, I told them at Davos I’d buy Greenland,
or maybe Iceland,
Or some big island, I think.
Not to worry.
But I’m getting old and I’m in a bit of a hurry.”
“If I can give them Greenland or Iceland to feather their nest, they’ll give me more goodies
and I’ll be forever remembered
As the best of the best.”
Snore, snore, snore, snore, snore, snore, snore…
Umm, Captain, my Captain, wake up!
We’re ashore! Anchor’s down!
The Icelanders are angry. They want us to get out of town!
“Iceland?! You idiot! I said Greenland! These guys have
absolutely nothing I want!
It’s the wrong f$&#ng island! Take us home,
then you’re fired!
I should have just stayed on Epstein’s Island.
S*&t, I’m tired.”
Aye, sir. Hoist anchor. Headed home.
(Silent: And if the powers that be, can hear me,
Please, oh please, oh please,
25 47
Before I get to Heaven.)
***
USA Today: “They’re not there for us on Iceland, that I can tell you. I mean, our stock market took the first dip yesterday because of Iceland. So Iceland’s already cost us a lot of money.” — Donald Trump in Davos, confusing Iceland with Greenland several times.
“Abi gezunt” is a Yiddish phrase meaning “As long as you’re healthy.” It is used to downplay problems.
Tags: chips, Davos, Epstein, Greenland, Iceland, market, Moguls, trump, Yiddish
