The Earth Moved, Literally
By Bob Gaydos
I blame it all on the earthquake in Chile. Since it happened, everything seems to be out of whack. The temblor (I love that word) registered 8.8 on the Richter scale and caused tremendous damage and loss of life. I in no way mean to minimize the enormous pain it has caused. But the quake actually shortened the length of days on the planet and, never mind shaking the earth, it actually moved it. That’s got to have far-reaching ripple effects.
Scientists at NASA say the earthquake nudged the earth over 3 inches on its figure axis. That’s not the north-south one that spins us around and gives us our days and nights. It’s the one the planet’s mass is balanced around. Apparently it is off-balanced from the north-south axis by 33 feet, which I take to mean that one side is a bit denser than the other. Suddenly, Jim Bunning makes sense.
He had to equalize the earth’s density axis again by objecting over and over again in the U.S. Senate to a bill extending unemployment benefits to hundreds of thousands of Americans who are out of work, through no fault of their own. Such is the Senate these days that one person can tie up billions of dollars in legislation. When the Earth’s density equalized, Bunning relented, but not before giving America a first-hand look at what Congress would be like if the Tea Partiers took over. And make no mistake, the Republican moron from Kentucky has his supporters.
One blogger wrote: “Bunning will be remembered as a hero for this stand – he stood up to protect America from the uncontrolled spending of the socialists now running Washington, DC. As Europe collapses on itself with its socialist health plans and benefits, Obama and his cronies try to push America into the same failed model. The Mid-term elections can’t come quick enough.”
This supporter, like all others, ignored the fact that Bunning’s “stand” was a sham. While he repeatedly said, given the huge federal deficit, Congress should pay for any new spending, Bunning (and all other Republicans) had voted against a bill that would require just that. Instead, he chose to make his point on spending that would reduce the pain of ordinary Americans, which Congress contributed to with its unchecked spending and homage to corporate America.
In reality, it was just a crass political ploy to get back and Senate GOP leader, and fellow Kentuckian, Mitch McConnell, who led an effort to convince Bunning not to seek re-election, in part because he is prone to unpredictability. Last February, for example, he predicted Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg would be dead from pancreatic cancer within nine months. Smooth, Jim.
But I linger too long on the Bunning ripple. The Chile quake has also thrown the entire political scene in New York into turmoil. Rep. Charlie Rangel, D-N.Y., has stepped down as chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee because he neglected some tax laws he may well have written. Gov. David Paterson has abandoned his campaign for governor on the heels of yet another abuse of power scandal that has tarnished the state police. Some guy named Steve Levy, who is Suffolk County executive, says he’s thinking of running and a lot of Democrats are still trying to get Paterson to resign, which would make Lt. Gov. Richard Ravitch (Did you know that?), the smartest man in Albany because he doesn’t want the job, our next accidental governor.
On the other hand, Harold Ford Jr., a former Democratic Tennessee congressman and current Merrill Lynch VP, says he’s not running for the Senate here against Sen. Kirsten E. Gillibrand because he doesn’t think they can conduct a civil contest. And Daily News publisher Mort Zuckerman, who supposedly got Ford to drop out of the Senate race, dropped out himself, because, apparently, he sees a brighter future in journalism than politics and what planet is he on?. All of this seems to leave only Orange County exec Eddie Diana as a possible opponent for Gillibrand. Now that’s some ripple effect.
And it goes beyond politics. Disney has taken off the kid-friendly gloves to get into a fight with ABC-TV over money, money, money. Greece, of all countries, almost killed the euro and plunged all of Europe into bankruptcy. The Oscar bigwigs got all uppity and banned a producer of “The Hurt Locker” from the awards ceremony because he dared to send e-mails to voters asking for their support (like everyone else does). A guy in England lost his driver’s license for walking his dog, from the driver’s seat of his car. Some poor-shooting rookie beat NBA legend Michael Jordan in a game of H-O-R-S-E. Supermodel Naomi Campbell, who hadn’t assaulted anyone in weeks, felt the need to attack her driver. And Sarah Palin did a standup routine on The Tonight Show that got better reviews than her political speeches.
… Come to think of it, that last one is probably a sign that the earth has finally settled on its new axis. Whew.
Bob can be reached at bob@zestoforange.com.
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