By Gretchen Gibbs

What to make of the failure of our New Year’s and other resolutions? I would argue that when we resolve to change our behavior there is a basic paradox that makes it difficult. The harder we try to make ourselves conform to a goal we desire, the less successful we are likely to be. This is particularly true when the body is involved. That is, you may succeed in a resolution to stop seeing someone in an unhealthy relationship, but it’s unlikely that you could successfully resolve not to be attracted to that person.

Most resolutions, especially the ones that fail, tend to involve making a change in our bodies. The most common are to eat less, exercise more, or give up smoking or drinking. I would love to resolve not to be afraid of mice any longer. I can tell myself 20 reasons why mice cannot hurt me, but I know the instant I see one of those skinny tails a shriek will break through my throat. Think of how hard it is to make one’s self fall asleep, and on the other hand, how hard it is to stay awake when one is on the verge of sleep. The body has a mind of its own, so to speak. The more we try to diet, the more appealing that chocolate chip cookie is. It seems as though intentionality brings up the mind-body problem, and the body always wins.

This summer I took a 10-year old girl for a banana split. I began to think about how many banana splits I’d had in my own long life, and concluded it was about three. I made a resolution that I wanted to eat more ice cream. Now there’s an easy resolution, you are thinking. Well, I did get to the Bellvale Creamery in Warwick a few times, and my refrigerator contains a pint of my favorite Coffee Heath Bar Crunch, but in fact I didn’t overdo the ice cream. Something about making ice cream a “good” thing rather than a fatty, sugary weight gainer did the trick, and the body didn’t want it any more than a nice helping of broccoli. Now if I had resolved to give up ice cream, I would probably have eaten quarts more.

Psychologists define will power as the ability to give up the short-term goal for a more desirable long- term goal. In other words, with will power, one can eschew the chocolate chip cookie for the long-term loss of 10 pounds. Studies on will power began with children who were offered a small candy bar the day of the study versus a larger bar the next day. One thing this finding illustrates is that you need to have a really big goal to motivate the resolution. I might well take the small candy bar because I could stop at the store on the way home and buy as big a candy bar as I liked. A big goal for weight loss for many people, especially women, is a wedding. Women seem to find it easy to lose 10 pounds before a wedding even though the weight goes right back on afterwards. Looking svelte at a wedding is apparently an important long-term goal, and people can give up the small candy bar and the cookies for it. Similarly, many (though not all) people can give up smoking if they find out they will otherwise drastically shorten their lives.

If you are going to make resolutions, here are some pointers that you probably don’t want.

–Be sure you have a long-term goal you really care about. Otherwise, you won’t give up the cookies.

–Try to be specific. Don’t resolve to get more exercise; resolve to walk a mile a day.

–Break the resolution down into small steps. Try to find a way to measure it. A chart, perhaps.

–Make it as enjoyable as you can. What you really want is for the activity itself to become rewarding, so you don’t have to keep thinking about the long-term goal. When I want to lose weight, I don’t give up foods, I try to eat five or more fruits and vegetables a day. I like fruits and vegetables, and eating more is a pleasure, not a hardship. If you are going to walk, be sure you have a route you enjoy, and think ahead of time about how you will handle bad weather. Don’t say you’ll walk regardless if you know you won’t.

–Social support. Resolve to walk a mile a day with your friend Caroline – it always helps to have companionship and somebody else who knows it’s hard. Studies find just communicating one’s progress to somebody else increases the likelihood that you’ll carry out the resolution.

–Give yourself some rewards between short-term and long-term. It’s hard to walk a mile a day with a vague goal of better health and some weight loss coming in a year. I was inspired to write this about resolutions after reading Jeff Page’s Zest piece two weeks ago, in which among other resolutions he formed was the intention to give up Spider Solitaire. As a Spider Solitaire addict myself, I wouldn’t dream of trying to give it up. It’s too much fun. Instead, I try to use it as a reward. So, I might play Spider for the amount of time it takes me to walk a mile.

–Recent findings show that will power is strengthened by ingesting small amounts of glucose! So treats are good rewards for carrying out resolutions.

–Forgive yourself your lapses. If you fail, just start again. Everybody fails; that’s the paradox. No point in beating yourself up as well as having failed to complete the resolution. Studies show that we have a limited amount of will power and it runs out.

–Also believing in the power of one’s will helps it work. You can change your behavior and even your whole life if you want to, and avoid falling into the paradox of trying to rule your body with your mind.

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 9th, 2014 at 7:36 am and is filed under Gretchen Gibbs. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.