Carrie’s Painting of the Week
Morning, Essex Marsh
By Carrie Jacobson
I traveled to Gloucester, MA, this week for a painting retreat. I woke early on Saturday, the last day in Gloucester, and made this painting. A new friend, Alicia Drakiotes, painted with me, and we enjoyed the beautiful morning and each other’s paintings.
Tired, filled with beauty and with painting, I headed home.
And once I walked in the door, I knew that my old girl’s time had come.
With distance, with fresh eyes and with a heart full of love and sorrow, I saw that it was the end for Kaja, and that I had to make it happen. I walked into the house, saw her, burst into tears and called the vet.
Three hours later, she was gone.
I am sad beyond words. I am bereft. Kaja was smart, and she was noble, and she had a sense of humor. She was one of the great ones. She was nearly 15, and she guarded me, and loved me and cared for me unfailingly, every day of those 15 years.
I only wish that death had come and taken her here, in her sleep, in the home she loved. But her heart was too big and too strong for that.
This dog, who had run across the fields chasing deer, this dog who had hiked and ridden and gone swimming with me, this dog who had been the friend of my heart day in and day out, could barely walk. She could barely stand, or sleep or eat. She looked at me and I saw sadness in her eyes. I saw the end.
Her big heart touches mine still, and always will. And while I miss her, and will miss her every day for the rest of my life, I know that she is free from pain and from anxiety and from the body that let her down.
Tags: carriejacobson
July 6th, 2011 at 12:35 pm
Carrie, I have an idea of what you went through, having gone through it myself with a 16-year old gentleman named Snowball. I’m sorry for your loss.
JP
July 6th, 2011 at 12:59 pm
thank you, Jeff. It helps to know that friends have gone through this and are lending me their hearts and their strength.
July 6th, 2011 at 10:33 pm
My heart is breaking as I read your story. Quite a while ago I wrote to you about loosing my “Pebbles”, & you responded with compassion rarely seen anymore. So, I know you are hurting so deeply with the loss of your Kaja. Please try to be strong knowing that there are people “out there” who truly care & sympathize with you.
July 7th, 2011 at 12:07 am
Carrie.
I knew, of course, that you would listen to the dog and let her tell you when it was time. You have an unerring sense of dog.
Kaja was the best.
I will miss knowing that she was in your life. I will rejoice knowing that she will always be in your heart.
Thank you.
Beth
July 7th, 2011 at 12:44 am
Dear Carrie,
It still amazes me how much animals can touch our lives. I know how painful it can be to lose them. I am so sorry.
We lost Max quietly and I actually was moved to write about him (and I am not a writer).
We took Lionel to the vet together, my daughter and I. Lionel was a female calico named by my daughter, Mariah, who was age 5 at the time when she appeared in our yard. How appropriate that we said our goodbyes to Lion together about 18 years later.
July 7th, 2011 at 3:37 pm
To Elizabeth and Beth and Manja, thank you. It helps so much to know that kind-hearted people are thinking of me, and sharing their own experiences and losses. It helps so much. Kaja will live in my heart forever. Today, I was able to look at a photograph of her and smile without weeping. I know she is smiling, too.
July 9th, 2011 at 8:16 am
My deepest condolences. This is a huge loss; be kind to yourself as you grieve.