News Clips for a Rainy Day
By Michael Kaufman
The following stories are true. Even the names have not been changed to protect the innocent. They are selected short news articles that appeared over the years in the pages of the New York Post or the Daily News. I clipped and saved them just knowing they would come in handy some day. Here they are, with their original headlines. Enjoy!
TURKS SEE A SPECTRE
Ankara – The public prosecutor here is investigating a complaint that a map of North America shown on Turkish television looks so much like a profile of Lenin that it constitutes illegal Communist propaganda.
Map of North America in Turkey
Officials of the state-owned Turkish Radio and Television said a Turk, whom they did not identify, made the complaint to the prosecutor and an official inquiry was in progress. TRT was sending photographs of the map – used as part of a backdrop for newscasts – to the prosecutor.
Communist propaganda is illegal in Turkey.
THE BALLOT OF MICKEY MOUSE
New Braunfels, Tex. (AP) – Election officials have gone to court to stop a recount of the write-in votes for Mickey Mouse in a race for county judge. Incombent Comal County Judge Max Womack was the only candidate on the ballot in the recent general election.
Mickey Mouse was deemed unfit to hold office in Texas
Joseph Shields, editor of a Canyon Lake Weekly newspaper, has said he will file an affidavit asking for a recount, but he has not done so. Officials did not bother to count Mouse’s vote in the canvas, which Shields says they should have done.
Election officials, seeking a temporary injunction, said in their application a recount would be a waste of the taxpayers’ money. Their petition also states, “Mickey Mouse is not and has not been a resident of Comal County for six months as required by law” and that “said Mickey Mouse is an idiot, lunatic and minor and very possibly an unpardoned felon and is, therefore, according to the laws of the State of Texas, ineligible to hold office.”
BETTER TO GIVE THAN DECEIVE
Tulsa, Okla (UPI) – Goodwill Industries says that some of its Christmas donations are causing more confusion than good. Executive Director Russle Brami said that collection boxes recently produced two hand grenades, two goats, five live ducks, grass cuttings, World War II K rations, marriage licenses, camel saddles, and an assortment of live snakes and lizards.
AMIN’S MINISTER OF LOVE
KAMPALA–President Idi Amin of Uganda has fired foreign minister,
Fired frisky foreign minister
Elizabetr Bagaya, accusing her of unbecoming behavior during a trip abroad. Gen. Amin was particularly annoyed to learn that Ms. Bagaya made love to an unknown European in a bathroom at a Paris airport on her way home after representing Uganda at the UN recently, according to Radio Uganda.
PICKS OUT CASKETS, KILLS KIN & SELF
Laurium, Mich. (Knight-Ridder)–A funeral director described by a friend as “an exacting sort of fellow” shot and killed his wife and grandson before taking his own life yesterday in the family’s apartment above the funeral home.
Maynard Hulburt, 64, filled out three death certificates, picked out three caskets, and left three sets of clothing hanging in a bedroom for the victims before the killings, the police said.
TOILET FIRMS CALLED FLUSH
Washington (UPI) – A federal grand jury indicted four manufacturing companies and three of their executives today on charges of violating anti-trust laws by conspiring to fix prices of wooden toilet seats.
Michael can be reached a michael@zestoforange.com
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