‘Drive-thru’ no way to pay respects
By Michael Kaufman
Some modern conveniences I can do without. For example, I don’t like sensor-activated toilets and urinals that flush automatically. For me the timing always seems a little off and it makes me wonder if I am doing something wrong. Even worse are the automatic faucets. I can’t tell you how many times I have stood at a sink, waving my hands around in a futile attempt to get water to come out, only to discover that I picked one that is out of order.
Sunday morning, during a break in an Empire State College program at the FDR museum site in Hyde Park, I couldn’t get the automatic paper towel dispenser to work. Fortunately, a fellow student more adept at dealing with modern technology showed me where the sensor is located. I had been waving my dripping hands around in the wrong spaces.
Call me old fashioned but I would rather get lost driving than be told where to turn by a computer-generated voice. And please don’t get me started on all the other computerized gizmos and LCD (or is it LED) displays that clutter the dashboards of today’s new cars. I once heard a guy complain that his new car broke down and the mechanic told him he needed a new “mother board.”
All these things came to mind when I saw the headline over a News Brief in Monday’s newspaper: “Drive-thru casket viewing offers last look on wheels.” The article reported that the Robert L. Adams Mortuary in Compton, California is now offering “the ultimate in drive-thru convenience: drive-thru casket viewing.” Thus, “it is possible to view the deceased resting in a display window while cruising past in your car.” Thankfully this item did not appear in the “My Ride” section.
“You can come by after work, you don’t need to deal with parking, you can sign the book outside and the family knows that you paid your respects,” said owner Peggy Scott Adams. “It’s a convenience thing.”
I admit I don’t know much about casket-viewing customs but this seems to me like a pretty disrespectful way to pay respects. Why not make it even more convenient by putting the casket on webcam so you can view it on line….after which you can Tweet your respects? Imagine….you won’t even have to get into your car to go to the drive-thru!
The story mentioned that we are already accustomed to “drive-thru burger joints and drive-thru banks.” This led to some interesting speculation among our family members about additional potential uses of drive-thru convenience. We thought of drive-thru museums and botanical gardens, drive-thru psychotherapy, and drive thru haircuts. “How about drive-thru breakups?” our 19-year-old daughter suggested.
Readers are invited to suggest additional drive-thru ideas and/or other examples of conveniences you would be happy to live without.
Meanwhile, for those who are celebrating Passover this week and anyone of any denomination who would just like to have a good laugh, have I got a link for you! Here is a high-tech version of the Passover story that may one day replace the traditional Haggadah because, you know, it’s a convenience thing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIxToZmJwdI
Michael can be reached at michael@zestoforange.com.
Tags: Michael Kaufman
April 20th, 2011 at 10:56 pm
The drive-thru coffin-viewing story brought to mind a column I wrote years ago. It was inspired by a book review that came over the wire: Caring for Your Own Dead. The author of the book stated that prepping the bodies of loved ones was a final act of caring that nobody should miss. The book came out during a time when it was popular for people to can their own food, sew their own clothes, cut their own hair, etc. I got thinking about possible names for stores that might sell amateur undertaking supplies. “The Calico Coffin” came to mind. My colleagues claimed I had a sick mind, but in their voices was a trace of admiration. Or was it envy?
April 21st, 2011 at 10:20 am
the drive – thru is a bit much unless it also offers a window to order In-N-Out burgers, fries and shakes. Loved the vid.
April 22nd, 2011 at 11:53 am
And I used to think using a remote for turning the TV on and off was a lazy idea!!!!
Great piece, Michael
April 23rd, 2011 at 2:19 pm
Thanks Lee, Jo and Dick. Lee’s comment about prepping bodies reminds me of a story I heard from an undertaker a while back. He received a sample of a new product called “Life-Like Tint” and tried a bit of it on the face of an old man he was in the midst of prepping. The deceased had pale white skin and the product created a visible stain. So he applied the product to the rest of the face and to the hands that would be exposed to viewers. The departed now had a deep tan and the undertaker was worried about the widow’s reaction. “She was thrilled,” said the undertaker. “She told me he never had such a wonderful tan in his life.” And FROM THE VIRTUAL MAILBAG came this from Mikhail Horowitz: “In the early ’70s, when I was the better half of Null & Void, Frank and I had a comedy routine about new trends in the funeral business that included a short take on drive-through mortuaries. The skit culminated in the ultimate new postlife experience: a topless funeral and massage parlor, in which the attendants wore tasteful black ribbons over their nipples and the deceased could be (literally) laid to to rest in a coffin lined with leopard-skin upholstery and soft red lights.” And Lee’s colleagues thought she had a sick mind?