By Michael Kaufman

I admit it. I love it when an umpire makes a bad call, especially in a big game. The worse the call, the more I enjoy it.  I like to see an enraged manager rush from the dugout, waving his arms, snarling , kicking dirt on home plate or the umpire’s shoes. I like when a home-plate umpire angrily rips off his mask and gets in the guy’s face.  And there’s nothing wrong with a little flying spittle now and then.  I wait with anticipation for the moment when the ump has finally had enough and signals the old heave-ho by raising his arm, pointing at the offending party, and shouting, “You’re outta here!”

And sometimes it doesn’t stop there. The guy who got thrown out may turn and  yell at the top of his lungs as he is leaving. Maybe he will continue his tantrum and throw things onto the field when he gets to the dugout. Or maybe he’ll put on a disguise and watch the rest of the game from the stands. Sometimes others will continue the argument with the ump until they get tossed too. It’s all good.

Few things are more entertaining to me. The great old-time announcers like Red Barber used to refer lovingly to these tete-a-tetes as “rhubarbs.” Controversial calls and the ensuing rhubarbs have been almost as much a part of baseball lore as the all-time great batting and fielding achievements. If you are a longtime baseball fan you can think of a few off the top your head.

But you don’t hear much about rhubarbs any more. Advances in video technology have given us the ability to quickly assess the accuracy of a call. Was it a strike or a ball? Home run or foul ball? And now, the Lords of Baseball, in their infinite stupidity, have joined their counterparts in the National Football League, by introducing a video review process.  It started this year during the regular season and was used the other night in a World Series game to determine that Alex Rodriguez had indeed hit a home run and not a double, as originally called by the umpire. And so the game, already beset by lengthier delays than necessary to accomodate television advertisers, was delayed again so the umpires could shamble off the field, go into the clubhouse, and watch a video.  They looked pathetic.

And just what is so important about making the right call 100% of the time in a baseball (or football) game? Umpires and referees have a tough job and it is amazing they get the calls correctly as often as they do. Here is one football referee’s take on the subject, but it applies just as well to baseball:  “Yes, officials are supposed to get it right, but then again, so is that $5.5 million wide receiver who has dropped 60% of his passes this year, and so is that multi-million dollar coach who is 0-7 for the start of the season. Oh, and I guess we should mention the sportscaster who doesn’t really know the rules but yet feels totally comfortable second-guessing and sounding like an expert.” I’m with you, pal.

And don’t forget we are not talking brain surgery here, where the use of advanced video technology might save a person’s life. It is just a ballgame for crying out loud. Still, sports play a huge role in our society, which is why I fear the day may not be far off when a conversation like this takes place at the dinner table:

“What is this, chicken? You told me you were making the lamb chops tonight.”

“No … I said I was making chicken. You asked me right after you brushed your teeth.”

“No … you said lamb chops and it was after I came back from walking the dog… Let’s review it!”

“We can’t review it. You already used your three challenges for the week.”

Michael can be reached at michael@zestoforange.com.

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