Welcome to the One-Stop Career Center
By Michael Kaufman
Standing on line next to me at the unemployment office was a short, balding man wearing a rumpled suit and tie. He surveyed the number of people ahead of us and sighed, then complained, “My wife bought veal.”
“Veal!” he repeated. “You know how much veal costs? I don’t have a job and she’s buying veal!”
We chatted to kill time. It would be a while before we reached the counter to face a cranky, unsmiling person who would eye us suspiciously and ask if we had looked for work that week. I saw the same man the next time I was there. “She bought veal again,” he said sadly. “I think she is in denial.”
This was a few decades ago at the unemployment office on 181st Street near St. Nicholas Avenue in Washington Heights…my old neighborhood. A visit to the unemployment office back then was a degrading experience.
Fast forward to the present. The first thing I notice about the unemployment office is that it isn’t called an unemployment office. It is a “One-Stop Career Center.” Because my job was in Bergen County, New Jersey, my claim is processed in that state. My One-Stop Career Center is in Franklin, in nearby Sussex County.
When I reported as instructed for orientation I noticed a group of seniors doing Tai Chi in a corner of a large gymnasium-like room. We newly unemployed people were sent to a classroom where we were greeted by a kindly woman named Paula, who told us we could call her at any time or come see her if we had any questions or if we needed help with our resumes or anything. “Just ask,” she said. “We’re here to help.” I imagined a short, balding man in a rumpled suit and tie asking, “Can you tell me how I can get my wife to stop buying veal?”
I called once to tell Paula I needed to reschedule an appointment because I was going out of town to do some freelance work. She seemed delighted to hear from me and said there was no need for me to come in again…ever. “It’s just a frelance gig,” I explained. “I’m still unemployed.”
“That’s okay,” she said cheerfully. I was a little disappointed because I was going to ask if I could do a little Tai Chi on my next visit.
These days I use my computer to file online and the New Jersey Department of Labor and Workforce Development (LWD) even sends me emails with links to job opportunities they say may match my recent job experience. They aren’t very good at this but I can’t blame them. I know an excellent headhunter who hasn’t placed anyone in my line of work all year.
Still, it is a tad discouraging when the best the LWD (we must never say the u-word, unemployment) can come up with is a listing like one that came just the other day: “Spring 2010 — The Frisky Lifestyle Journalism.”
The description begins, “Please Note: Internships are UNPAID and structured to last approximately 12 weeks.” Okay, they never said it was going to be a perfect match.
“The Frisky is the first sex & relationships infotainment brand for women seeking an authentic, yet uniquely funny and irreverent perspective on love, life and pop culture.” Hey, sounds kind of neat once you get past the “infotainment” jargon. I once wrote for Women’s World. Maybe I’ll apply. Perhaps they’ll like me so much they’ll offer me a fulltime position.
“The Frisky offers a smart and sincere POV that informs, entertains and connects women from various walks of life by emphasizing their shared experiences in matters of the heart and body.” Uh, I think maybe they need a woman for this.
“The Frisky targets the sexually liberated, sexually savvy demographic of My Boys, Friends, and Sex and the City, whose audience has come of age in the digital era.” That does it. For guys my age, coming of age in the “digital era” has an entirely different connotation.
“They enjoy R-rated movies and TV-MA sitcoms, read womens magazines brimming with sexy articles and advertising and are nonplused by the ubiquity of explicit sexual material on the Internet.” What if someone has all the qualifications except they are NOT nonplused by the ubiquity of sexual material on the Internet? Should they lie just to get this plum of an unpaid temporary job?
“They are highly web-savvy and seek a highly entertaining one-stop destination which examines the full spectrum of lifestyle topics through the universal lens of sex & relationships.” The web-savvy thing kills it for me. I admit it. I’m not a good fit.
Beth? Carrie? Shawn?
Michael can be reached at michael@zestoforange.com.
Tags: Michael Kaufman
