Where Have You Gone, Joe DiMaggio?

The Yankee Clipper

…and other (hopefully) thought-provoking questions

 By Bob Gaydos

  • We’ll start with the summer’s top puzzler: Soft ice cream or soft frozen yogurt? They say one is healthier for you, but this is obviously a matter of taste and mine leans to the ice cream most of the time. Maybe a strawberry shortcake sundae with soft vanilla, whipped cream, sponge cake, strawberry syrup, etc. But a friend of mine swears by the black raspberry frozen yogurt at Scoops in Pine Bush. Of course, they put chocolate chips in it. Maybe that‘s what makes it better for you.
  • Coke or Pepsi? Most people, from my observation, still prefer and say, “Coke” when asked. So how come waitresses at every diner in the area then ask you, “Is Pepsi OK?” Sure it’s OK. But it’s not Coke. What the heck happened to the Coke salesman?
  • Google or Yahoo? Not to be harsh, but why bother with Yahoo? Really. And what the heck is Bing?
  • Mac or PC? I’ve got a PC; both my sons have Macs. They love theirs; I may get one some day. I fully expect us all to be doing everything on a tablet in the not-so-distant future. Even cooking.
  • Egg and cheese sandwiches made on a grill in a deli or the pre-fab Styrofoam “eggs” served up in fast-food places? OK, we all agree on this one.
  • Obamacare or No Care? After campaigning relentlessly against the constitutionally acceptable Affordable Care Act with a slogan of “Repeal and Replace,” Republicans have conceded that they have no actual plan with which to replace it, in the unlikely case they actually did repeal it. They should just ask Mitt Romney to retool the plan he introduced in Massachusetts.
  • Jeter or Reyes? … What’s that? That’s not a question anymore? Sorry.
  • Designated hitter or unathletic pitchers trying to not hurt themselves at bat? You can deduce my vote. With fulltime inter-league play next year, the DH in both leagues is the only thing that makes sense. So they won’t do it.
  • If you read a book on a Nook, is it a book or a Nook? And does that apply to Dr. Seuss?
  • Really, what the heck is a Bing?
  • I text. All the time. Only way my kids will talk to me. But has anybody under 25 noticed that it’s still a lot quicker and more efficient to actually talk to the other person? Honestly …
  • Does anybody “get” Twitter? Am I a twit if I don’t tweet? Speaking of twits, should I care what Ocho Cinco had for lunch?
  • Whether pot is legal or not, do the SUNY trustees actually think they can make every SUNY campus smoke-free in two years without putting half the students on probation?
  • Which is the more dangerous job: Catching alligators (crocodiles?) bare-handed; driving tractor trailers on narrow, ice-covered roads or repossessing Subarus? I’m betting on the repossessing.
  • When did the above become entertainment?
  • And who did put the ram in the ramalamadingdong?
  • Isn’t it true that every item on the Taco Bell menu consists of the same items, mixed in different combinations and given different names?
  • Can we find that answer on Bing?
  • Wouldn’t it be more popular if they named it Bong?
  • Does anybody remember Frick and Frack? No? No sweat, I looked it up on Yahoo: “Frick and Frack is for any two people who are closely linked in some way, especially through a work partnership.

“The origin is from a famous partnership of Swiss comedy ice skaters, Werner Groebliand Hans Mauch,   whose stage names these were. They came to public fame in the later years of a series of skating spectaculars called Ice Follies, promoted by Eddie Shipstad and his brother Roy, which began in 1936 and ran for almost 50 years. Their association lasted so long, and they were at one time so well known, that their names have gone into the language.

“Michael Mauch, the son of Hans, told me in a personal message about the origin of their names: ‘Frick took his name from a small village in Switzerland; Frack is a Swiss-German word for a frock coat, which my father used to wear in the early days of their skating act. They put the words together as a typical Swiss joke.’ ” Now don’t say you never learn anything when you read my column.

  • What is the current fascination with tattoos, or body art, if you prefer? Maybe the NBA commissioner can answer this one.
  • And by the way, why can’t Democrats defend their man (Obama) with the same fervor with which Republicans attack him? Don’t they care if he loses?
  • How Much Wood Would a Woodchuck Chuck if a Woodchuck Would Chuck Wood? Oops, sorry, that’s not a question, it’s a new show on the History Channel.
  • If I tweet that, will some twit think it’s funny?
  • … and what about Naomi?

Now don’t be bashful, please. I would really appreciate comments, answers, jibes and japes (look it up on Bing) on any of the above. This is supposed to be an interactive medium, so interact, please. At the very least it will me make me feel good and at the most I may be able to get another column out of the replies. Isn’t that worth interacting?

PS: If you don’t know the Joe DiMaggio answer, look up Paul Simon. And shame on you.



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11 Responses to “Where Have You Gone, Joe DiMaggio?”

  1. MichaelKaufman Says:

    I wish you’d included the question I asked in my last post: Is it okay for one’s dog to pee on someone else’s mailbox post? (I’m still waiting for your vote on that one.) Meanwhile, I’ll weigh in on one of yours: I think the designated hitter is a perversion of the great game of baseball. I could list all the reasons but I know you’ve heard them before and don’t agree…..Love the “What about Naomi?” line. Tune in next week when you’ll hear Mary say…

  2. e miller Says:

    Pepsi of course, as one can’t really get Moxie anymore. Truth be told why hasn’t Birch Beer, Cream, and Grape done better?

    Designated Hitter? Why not a Designated Runner for the catcher. He has to catch every pitch thrown to him, throw it back, AND doing it from a squat.

    Frick and Frack? What about Bert and Ernie? And , no, the original Bert and Ernie aren’t from Sesame Street.

    If we renamed Bing to Bong, we couldn’t rely on every answer we got. or when we’d get it. BTW I don’t bing or bong but I did watch the Gong show a few times.

    “Life is a series of non sequiters and loose associations” anonymous

  3. Jeff Says:

    Bob, What about the Question of the Eternal Triangle:

    Mantle? Mays? Snider?

    My heart says Duke. My head says Willie. Mantle? He was pretty good, too.


  4. Bob Mullin Says:

    Now these are the questions that should be on an entrance exam into graduate school.
    I agree with emiller about a designated runner for the catcher.
    Is a black and white ice cream soda made with chocolate ice cream and vanilla syrup or with vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup? And is the pope’s answer to this question infallible? I need to know.
    Now we’re getting real. This could be fodder for the next T.V. reality show.

  5. Michael Kaufman Says:

    Speaking of Frick and Frack, maybe some day I’ll tell the story of the incident in my old apartment on 102nd Street between Broadway and Amsterdam Ave. that inspired the “Hans and Franz” sketches on SNL.

  6. Mike Cragan Says:

    Soft ice cream, it’s not even close. An ice cream stand called “The Penguin” in Cooperstown is a MUST for any ice cream aficionado!
    Was Jeter or Reyes ever a question?
    Did you ever notice the best hitters on the team from age 5-21 are pitchers? Did they start to suck after that?
    You won’t catch me within 5 miles of a Taco Bell!
    What happened to RC Cola?
    Bob, could you really tweet? I beleive you must keep it to 140 characters or less?
    One more thing….shouldn’t there be a weight limit on wearing a bikini in public?

  7. saoirseod Says:

    1. To a much better place
    2. Soft frozen yogurt
    5.PC but would love a MAC
    6. Obamacare
    7. Jeter
    8. DH
    And that is as much as I will indulge your clearly boring day.

  8. BobGaydos Says:

    Reposting this comment from Facebook:

    Quallah Battoo: Bing actually has better maps than google- map scales, lat/long, better pins. And they have an oblique aerial view google doesn’t have.
    Assuming you don’t need your map to tell you what to do.

  9. BobGaydos Says:

    Reposting this commentfrom Facebook:

    Matthew Turnbull says:
    Although both parties are bought and sold…the dems are bought and sold a little less and Obama obviously would like to do something about it… the 2010 elections were a real shock ( and I think many like myself are still trying to understand why they dumped John Hall for Nan Hayworth) it makes me very sad that people get angry and allow someone else to tell them who they are angry at..btw.. three democrats joined the republicans yesterday and voted to repeal..I hope they are primaried and lose…

  10. Ingrid von Hassel Says:

    Soft ice cream or bust! I am doing this but I am curious..who is Pete?
    Jeter is so cute!
    Bong has a nice ring to it..and last but not least…No Taco Bell for me.
    Oh yea…I sometimes substitute “frack” for that four letter word that I am trying not to use.
    Thanks Bob..this was fun!

  11. Jean Webster Says:

    I love this. Something to do on a Sunday morning. Yes I’m late reading Zest this week. Hope someone sees this.

    Coke, not Pepsi, never Moxie (The Moxie Festival is in another part of Maine, not here where I live… It’s too white wine.).
    Don’t tweet. Nor twitter, though sometimes a laugh turns into a twitter.
    And about saving “stuff.” What about American Pickers? Who ever knew there was this much junk hidden in the back of American beyond? Half of this couple loves it….guess who!!
    Real ice cream, though soft ice cream feels like I’m dieting and still enjoying. There’s a great custard stand on Rte 1 in Freeport. Try it if you’re up this way.
    BUT, an egg cream from Brooklyn tops all the above. Here in Maine, they know nothing of seltzer anymore (maybe it doesn’t exist anywhere anymore) and – trust me – egg cream cannot be made without it. We had an ice cream parlor years ago, but no seltzer. I’d lament with the few New Yawkers who came in and asked for a “real” egg cream.

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